The Greatest, Most Important Show In The History Of Television Debuted 30 Years Ago Today

There hasn’t been a bigger constant in my life. I know I wouldn’t be here without it, which is perhaps the only indictment of the greatest show television has ever aired. Everyone knows the history by now, if you don’t I have no idea why you even have the internet because clearly things which bring and inspire joy aren’t up your alley. THE SIMPSONS debuted – in full length – 30 years ago today, three months after I was born. Was I there from the start? Yes, because I had great parents, who would park me in front of the television whenever it came on Fox. They used it as a temporary babysitter of sorts, and I thank them for this. Some of my earliest memories are of me, by myself, in a Jurassic Park tent set up in my tiny, second floor apartment living room, watching season four, wrapping the tag of my teddy bear around my index finger until it turned purple, laughing at jokes I wouldn’t even fully understand for another 15 years.

Perhaps the longest wait of my life was waiting to find out who shot Mr. Burns. That summer was hell, especially since they were airing an exclusive look at the new POWER RANGERS movie after the episode aired. Maybe that was after the first part, I don’t care to look it up. I just remember it playing out in newspapers, in TV Guide, in society, as if an actual, real life murder was about to be solved. Michael Jackson was tip toeing the line of breaking record contracts in order to appear on this show, writing hits for Bart Simpson. It cannot be understated how fucking big this show was from the jump. Perhaps the largest testament to how big and powerful this show was is the fact that it’s still on television today. Now, making new episodes, 20 a year, because they’ve earned that. It’s the longest running sitcom of all time, because it deserves to be. A show that would switch the hair colors of certain characters MID FRAME when it first came on television, not for some sight gag or as part of some larger plan, but because the illustrators simply ran out of that color. When shit like that doesn’t stop you from becoming a Peabody Award winner, you can make mediocre television 30 years later when the animation becomes flawless.

Today I’ve seen a lot of people making lists of the greatest episodes. I think it would be easier to rank my orgasms, starting from when I first started tugging at my pecker when I was 11 to now. Those lists exist in a completely self-serving manner and that’s not what today’s about. What I will point out is a few episodes which ushered us into the supposed “Golden Age of Television” of the BREAKING BADs and GAME OF THRONES which are often overlooked during discussions about “prestige television.” And that starts with the very first, “Simpsons Roasting On An Open Fire.” A Christmas special, which debuted as the most watched episode in the history of Fox, and set the tone for the ethos of the series. THE SIMPSONS does not work without the family’s love for one another. THE SIMPSONS would have been popular, it would have been funny, it would have lasted for long enough without it, but the reason it transcends language, the reason it resonates worldwide, is because at the end of the day that family is as strong as it appears dysfunctional. And that was established Season 1, Episode 1, when Homer didn’t receive his Christmas bonus. He can’t afford to get his family of five any gifts. It’s all he can think about, because he just wants them to be happy and proud of him for providing. Homer gets a second job as a mall Santa, and gets pennies for his troubles. He takes those pennies and, with nothing more than a prayer, he bets it all on a greyhound. That greyhound was the worst racer in the history of fleas and fur. He was so bad that his owner, ON CHRISTMAS EVE, abandoned him in the cold winter night. He ran right into Homer’s arms, he brought him home, he saved Christmas, much to the dismay of his in-laws. It was perfect.

On the flip side of that loving family, one of the more iconic episodes that doesn’t get included in these lists anymore is when the dysfunction ran over and the family ended up in Dr. Marvin Monroe’s electroshock therapy office. The site gag of the five of these idiots shocking each other, to the point where the town was drained of electricity, was everywhere. For a lesser show that would have been its peak, its defining moment. Home nearly cheated on Marge with a hot new hire at the Power Plant, he ended up eating a whole bird in bed with Marge. Marge nearly stepped out with a French bowling instructor, neither of them strayed. For as hilarious and iconic as the ancillary characters are in THE SIMPSONS, the show dies without the family being as strong as Matt Groening demanded they be. They’ve carried it through 30 years of network television and one movie which, naturally, revolved around that very dynamic.

THE SIMPSONS MOVIE was really good. It wasn’t necessary, but I’m glad they made it. I’m also glad they made it when they did as opposed to the ‘90s when the show was the biggest thing on television. Would the movie have been better had it come out 10 years earlier? Probably. Would it have hurt the show while it was in its prime? I don’t see how it couldn’t have. Instead, it served as a pleasant stand alone, and also put Spider-Pig on the map long before INTO THE SPIDERVERSE was even conceived.

I get irrationally angry when people say THE OFFICE is the greatest show they’ve ever seen. THE OFFICE isn’t the best sitcom produced by NBC, in fact it’s not even top two, have some dignity for yourselves and stop putting it on par with legacy shows like this. SEINFELD and 30 ROCK dump all over THE OFFICE, and SEINFELD isn’t even the best version of SEINFELD since CURB decided to show up on HBO and dominate. CHAPPELLE’S SHOW is the only other comedy I’ve seen really come close to THE SIMPSONS in terms of delivering episode after episode, and that nearly put Chappelle in a mental institution after two seasons and some change. None of the great comedies outside of SOUTH PARK have been able to push past 10 seasons and still be good. Even FAMILY GUY, which is better than a lot of people would like to give it credit for, would be hard to piece together 10 really good seasons worth of content. And that’s no slight, it’s just a testament to how impressive THE SIMPSONS racking up 13 straight years of hits really is. If GAME OF THRONES could have reached merely eight good seasons it would have had a great argument for GOAT status, you see how difficult that really is.

GAME OF THRONES is a great example of why I’m glad THE SIMPSONS haven’t hung it up yet. People always want things to end. Such is life, but for a show that’s been on for a third of a century, why should it abide by the same rules as everyone else? THE SIMPSONS already aired their series finale. Season 23, episode nine, a perfect circle. “Holidays of Future Passed” was a Christmas episode which took place 30 years in the future, Bart and Lisa in the treehouse emotionally discussing the hardships of parenthood. Family, it’s always the family. That was eight years ago, they’re still cranking out episodes. KISS is on their 20th reunion tour. The Rolling Stones have hung it up a hundred times. Things keep going long after they end all the time and no one bats an eye. So why is it that a television show can’t keep making new episodes despite tapping out nearly a decade ago? THE SIMPSONS is less a tv show than it is a time capsule. Go back and watch Homer fight George Bush, selling t-shirts of the Ayatollah. The show has always been a mirror to the society in which it serves in that moment, if it wasn’t there wouldn’t have been such a shit storm around Apu’s character in modern times. It is, unquestionably, the single most important show ever created. You used to get suspended from high school for wearing Bart Simpson t-shirts. The show has been discussed within the walls of The Vatican. That level of range and polarization comes along but once in a generation across the entire spectrum of entertainment period. This generation inarguably belonged to one yellow family.

I don’t know what entertainment as a whole would look like today without December 17, 1989, going down as it did but I’m super fucking glad we don’t have to find out. Long live Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa, Maggie, Santa’s Little Helper, the Snowballs, Grandpa, and the thousands of townspeople who make up Springfield, USA.