Am I An Alpha Male Because I DOMINATE the Room I Share w/ My 16 yo Brother?
Yes. The rumors are true. I share a room with my 16-year-old brother. It was briefly mentioned when I made an appearance on the Yak earlier in December. When I first said that I shared the room, I was shot all shorts of looks. Brandon Walker was appalled, KB was oddly excited, and Big Cat.... well Big Cat just started laughing at me. Like guys c'mon I'm 19 give me a fucking break, jeez.
What these bullies guys don't realize that is virtually my room. I dominate it and it's not even close. All my brother does is sleep in here.
I tried reaching out to my brother for comment on the situation, he had this to say:
Just what I thought. Nothing to say.
Let's just take the tour to see this dominance.
This is the first thing you see when you walk in. An instant overview of domination. I think you'd probably have a better chance finding Amelia Earhart in here than anything he owns.
The first stop is the desk. Who does the desk belong to? Me. It is my desk. It's my TV, my Chick Hicks toy, my fish, my half-full Pepsi can. There's just nothing on there that he owns at all. 1-0 Ethan.
Stop #2 on this journey across my room is the wall. Mostly comprised of pictures I've printed from the internet and hung up on my walls over the years. How many of the pictures are his? zero. 2-0 Ethan.
Stop #3 is the coveted trophy self, where yet again its domina-
*record scratch*
Hold on a fucking minute. Is that? His trophy? Yeah, on the far left.
Son of a bitch. That says his name, not mine. Damnit. I think I have to give him a point because I totally forgot that he had even gotten any trophies. 2-1 Ethan.
sidenote- yes, the majority of those trophies are pretty much participation trophies. It was a different time.
Stop #4 is the ceiling where you'll find my retired articles of clothing. The shirt from the cinderella run that I went on my senior of high school in rec league basketball, my 2015 World Series hat which I dominated wiffleball in, and the old jets hat from the Sanchez years. One of my better photos ever.
3-1 Ethan.
Our fifth and final stop on this room monopoly in the closet/drawers. Filled with all of my clothes (and pretty exquisite jersey collection). None of his clothes are in here. They're actually in my older brother's room which is a different story for a different day. 4-1 Ethan.
Gentleman's sweep. Should've probably been 4-0 me but I failed to recognize that he'd have a trophy stashed behind my little Petr Cech figurine.
So there you have it. That's how I have successfully become the alpha male in the room I share with my 16-year-old brother. The Yak boys doubted me but there's no doubt anymore.
If you need any help figuring out how to do the same, my DMs are always open or you can email me kamps@barstoolsports.com.
ps. no, you can't see the beds. that's just weird.