BREAKING NEWS: According To One Of His Accuser's Testimony Yesterday, Harvey Weinstein Has No Testicles AND Appears To Have A Vagina

Unfortunately, we’ve been hearing accounts of sexual abuse from those that were victims of these terrible crimes for long as I can remember. 

Whether it be a Boston priest whose junk was described as a “nubbin” by a previously violated altar boy, or the “spotted uncooked french fry” portrait painted by so many former child actors leaving Neverland Ranch. 

— Before I go on, I am going to tread very lightly here because I don’t want to poke fun or make light of what happened in the seemingly thousands of sexual abuse cases that have been reported in the last couple of years, but I also want to definitively highlight the less-than-complimentary witness descriptions of the undercarriages belonging to the lowlife scum that perpetrated these crimes. —

The descriptions are never kind... You never hear a recollection of a park flasher whose equipment was “breathtaking” and I don’t remember hearing that when Peyton Manning allegedly dipped his balls near a female trainer’s face that the smell was “delightful”. 

And sometimes those harsh victim illustrations reflect the root of these crimes (or at least I reckon)... People with breathtakingly delightful equipment (like me) are just generally happier and therefore less likely to commit crimes of deviance. 

Contrarily, men (and very infrequently, women) with disappointing genitals perhaps commit crimes of anger out of anger towards themselves. 

Exemptions to these traditionally harsh reports are those from the many teacher/student cases that Jerry Thornton covers.

Jerry always reminds us, but I think we still lose track of the fact, teachers who have sex with their students are statutory rapists... Consent with their child prey or not, they just are.  

But instead of “withered penises” and “deformed scrotums”, they are often described as having “great racks” and “tight asses”... Just a remnant of our sexist society, I suppose, and one that I find myself propagating along with every other fellow mouth-breather who creepily utters, “Man, I wish she was my teacher.”

Why such a heady topic?   

Well, as the title of this blog suggests, this hit yesterday while everyone was a Rough N Rowdy...

Jesus.  

I will cherry-pick a couple of quotes from Jessica Mann's testimony for those who don't feel like clicking away from this riveting blog...

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"The first time I saw him fully naked, I thought he was deformed or intersex," she told Manhattan Supreme Court jurors. "He has extreme scarring that I didn’t know if maybe he was a burn victim."

"He does not have testicles and it appears like he has a vagina," she said, before acknowledging he did have a penis.

"When I first saw him naked, I was filled with compassion, absolute compassion," she said, admitting she performed consensual oral sex on him. "It seemed his anger came from a place of shame."

.

Now, I think we can all agree that Harvey Weinstein (much like Woody Allen) is a teaspoon full of cum who deserves to be buried underneath a prison.  But “Holy smokes!”, the young lady in this account poisoned his well from every fucking angle imaginable. 

First off, I am no slender reed, but imagine being so heavy that your testicles just flat-out gave up competing with the fat that was trying to escape through your crotch?

Or, imagine if all that escaping fat was overflowing soooo much on either side of your dick that it formed a soft fleshy canoe that looks like a puffy vagina to the (unfortunately) naked eye?

This word gets used a lot in society, but...

I don’t make it a habit to advise rapists, but Harvey’s recent courtroom antics of being physically disabled and using a walker is probably one that is detrimental to his final resting place.  And if Mr. Weinstein is reading this right now, might I suggest you ditch that walker ASAP and hit the treadmill before you’re sent away, Harv, because inmates don’t look too kindly on rich rapists, BUT I think they all want to “get to know” a wealthy rapist who is packing a puffy vagina.

Good luck, asshole. 

Take a report. 

-Large