If Your Most Athletic Ability Is Sitting Down Then Boy Oh Boy Do I Have The Sport For You!

Back in my early days of sitting I was viewed as a LeBron James-esque level prospect. From the onset it was obvious to anyone with eyes that I was born to sit. A five tool sitter. The one event where being top-heavy is more of an advantage than disadvantage, as it is in the vast, VAST majority of other athletic competitions. My only problem when it came to Extreme Sitting was that, you know, it's not actually a fucking sport. At least it wasn't. That was then. This is now. And I can only hope all my prime years weren't wasted in a world without this contest of the gods. Imagine if Shaq was born in the 1800s and didn't have basketball? That was me and sitting. Luckily it appears the fine folks at Nitro Circus have cobbled together what I can only imagine will be the next instant sensation of an Olympic sport and I can represent this great nation of ours in international Lay-Z-Boy launchings. I'll sit on every goddamn four-legged supported surface from here to Tokyo and back again if that's what it takes to prove I've got what it takes to be crowned the best sitter on the planet. #NoDaysOff #SitBySit #OneFlightThroughTheAirInAnArmChairEveryoneKnowsTheRules