Fan Fiction Blog: Here's What Really Would Have Happened During The Selection Sunday Show
Before you start reading let me set the scene. Today should be Selection Sunday and I'm incredibly sad. We don't have any real brackets. But as my friend Uncle Chaps have done before, it's fan fiction time! I started thinking about this during the actual time of the bracket release. But now it's time to put together the entire hour.
Greg Gumbel greets us with a big smile. 'Welcome to Selection Sunday' he says as Clark Kellogg looks devilishly handsome next to him in an outfit that makes no sense, Seth Davis looks smug as hell as he's ready to make 55 upset picks with Duke in the title game and Charles Barkley is just trying to come up with a name outside of Auburn.
They start showing the cameras on Gonzaga, Dayton, San Diego State, a freshly crowned Big 10 title Illinois, Northern Iowa and Arizona State. Bobby Hurley immediately starts making faces and screaming at the camera for reasons unknown. At the Reags household, the computer is up. It starts.
LIVE BLOG TIME
We're off. Charles Barkley is snacking on Double Stuffed Oreo's as Seth Davis looks at him pissed off that he's not eating healthy. Davis is caught on a hot mic calling him a tubby and preaching about green juice. Clark Kellogg is too busy looking at his cool guy hat in the camera as they announce Kansas as the No. 1 overall seed. Bill Self adjusts his toupee and starts talking about how they had to make the smart decision and go further away, to avoid Kentucky and Louisville in Indianapolis. They decide to be the 1 seed in the South and play at Houston!
There are no surprises on the 1 seed line. Everyone agrees and we have a few minutes of the guys trying to explain how Dayton and Gonzaga aren't real mid-majors but not in power conferences. Everyone starts to sound drunk and Greg Gumbel is doing his best to keep it all together. Obviously San Diego State gets bumped to the 2 seed line where they show a Kawhi commercial instead.
'What the hell is the point of this Reags?' People ask this during the live blog. I respond 'it's Selection Sunday. We're desperate for anything. We're just trying to see brackets here.' I sip on some wine as Chuck wipes ice cream from his face.
'Okay here we go. To the East region!' Greg Gumbel says excitedly as they list Duke as a 3 seed, giving them homecourt advantage in Madison Square Garden and the easiest bracket ever. However, as history shows us, they will lose in the round of 32 here. Seth Davis is smiling as he's already put Duke in the Final Four, beating a 12 seed Yale in the Elite Eight.
'Hey Uncle Chaps. How does fan fiction work?' I send him a DM. I don't get a response because he's currently filming himself getting cleaned with his wife.
As this goes on, we gloss over the South region. We're all too busy focusing on how to properly wash our hands. Even Greg Gumbel shows the Chaps video on CBS. Everyone is asking and yes that's a glorious beard. Yes, he can sing. Yes, he can blog.
They wrap up the South and get ready for the Midwest. Charles Barkley is eating some pigs in a blanket. 'SWISH' he screams at Seth Davis as he clears a plate. At the same time Siena is announced as the 16 seed. Somewhere Clem screams in unison 'SWISH' his daughter looks at him with a smile and promises it will all be okay. It won't be okay. Siena is going to lose by 18 despite Jalen Pickett going off.
Kentucky is called out as the 3 seed in the Midwest. I'm thrilled. We're going to Indy! That's driving distance for everyone to go to. Dayton, Kentucky, Louisville and Seton Hall are the top-4 seeds in the Midwest and immediately people on Twitter are mad. However, no one is more upset than this guy.
Cal preps for his postshow interview where he says Kentucky winning the SEC means nothing and the committee loves to punish Kentucky. I agree. I say I agree and people on Twitter are even more mad. Louisville fans especially. Cal moves out of the way a bit so everyone can see the new Bam Adebayo All Star jersey. Devin Booker and Tyler Herro come out of nowhere and life Cal up on his shoulders, he's confused saying he never expected them to come. We have a hearty laugh.
The committee gives up as Dick Vitale crashes the set to rant about mid-majors being left out. UNI doesn't get in and he just loses it. He's also doing a Periscope as this happens. No one can see his face as he still hasn't figured out how to crop a video and we're just looking at Dickie V's chest as he screams about mid-majors being left out. The committee gives up as Charles Barkley is now eating Yodels. Seth Davis is talking about It's A Wonderful Life as Clark Kellogg is talking about 2005.
We have breaking news. They decide to just use Joe Lunardi's, the 55th best bracketologist in the world, bracket instead. It looks like this.
I jokingly tweet 'could you imagine not having the Selection Show? Could you imagine not having the NCAA Tournament LOL.' I say LOL because I never say LOL and it just shows how sarcastic I can be. As you finish reading the blog you question why and I respond, why not. We have nothing else. Just imagine this actually happening instead of having nothing.
The Final Four includes Kentucky, Dayton, Seton Hall and Baylor. We all go to Atlanta. I miss college hoops. I'm worried about where I end up as this is just day 3.