Dude Goes Swimming In The Gowanus Canal On Purpose To Raise Awareness For How Polluted It Is

The Week – Christopher Swain is planning to go where no man has dared to go in a long time. No, not the moon: The sludgy, toxic, once gonorrhea-infested waters of Brooklyn’s Gowanus Canal. Swain is prepared to put his body on the line today as part of the stunt, which he’s performing on Earth Day to raise awareness about pollution. Though he is aware that the infamously disgusting canal is “spiked with a whole witches’ brew of contaminants,” including heavy metals, mercury, coal tar, and a heady mix of “dead bodies, bodily fluids, guns, and disease-causing microbes,” CBS reports, Swain says the risks are worth it.  “It may be crazy to swim in the canal,” Swain told CityLab. “But what’s crazier is that the Gowanus Canal is so messed up.” When it comes to swimming bodies of water, Swain is no novice — he swam the entire length of both the Columbia River (1,243 miles) and the Hudson River (315 miles) for various awareness projects — but for the Gowanus’ comparatively short 1.8-mile journey he’ll wear tons of protective gear, including a sealed drysuit, gloves, goggles, and a cap. He also will take pains to make sure his head doesn’t go underwater, and will employ a modified breaststroke to prevent any of the toxic water from entering his lungs (shudder). Godspeed, Christopher. May you return without growing gills

Christopher Swain is the biggest baseball fan on the planet earth. I mean truly, genuinely DIEHARD baseball fan. I bet he keeps a score book for every game. I bet he gets all offended by steroid use. He gets angry about Sabrmetrics and still thinks you should sacrifice bunt at all times. Just a true, pure baseball fan. Probably has been to every stadium and brings his glove to catch foul balls. Hates rap music and loves his baseball.

For real though you gotta be a goddam asshole to go swimming in the Gowanus. Thats like an entire canal of the ooze that mutated the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I understand you’re making a point but its like jumping off a bridge to raise awareness for suicide. Just reckless.

And listen I know some people care about the environment. I dont give a fuck about the environment so I think all this stuff is nonsense. But lets say, for arguments sake, I was into Mother Nature. The Gowanus Canal is like the LAST thing on earth that deserves your attentions. There’s oceans and rivers and animals and rain forests and like a zillion other things in nature that deserve environmentalist’s attention before they start focusing on some piece of shit canal in Brooklyn. I mean even if its cleaned up who cares? Not like a clean Gowanus Canal matters one iota.