Scientists Are Fucking Idiots, Bro
(CBS) - Meet the sturddlefish: a new species of fish accidentally created by scientists in Hungary. It's an unusual mix of two endangered species, the American Paddlefish and the Russian Sturgeon.
According to a study published in the journal Genes, researchers at Hungary's National Agricultural Research and Innovation Centre, Research Institute for Fisheries and Aquaculture said that they were not trying to create a new fish when the sturddlefish was born. Rather, they just wanted to know if the two species could be bred in captivity — and were shocked when the resulting fish actually grew to adulthood.
"This was the first successful hybridization between these two species and between members of the family Acipenseridae and Polyodontidae," researchers wrote.
I fucking hate these nerd ass dweebs I really do. This is what happens when you get rid of '80s movie style high school villains shoving them into lockers and breaking their glasses on the daily. Without that balance and natural selection comes dire consequences for the rest of us. Just read those three paragraphs and tell me I'm wrong. They said they "accidentally" created the sturddlefish. I wont even touch on how dumb of a name that is because I'm too furious at too many other things at the moment. "Accidentally"? Word? You "accidentally" had them forced in captivity and were shocked they started getting after it? And what's all this "first successful" razzmatazz they mention in the last bit? You know what "first successful" means? Dozens if not hundreds of failed attempts. Don't shit in my ice cream sundae and call it hot fudge. This wasn't an accident.
These poindexters are always attempting to play God when no one is looking. It's either Boston Dynamics plotting humanity's demise by making these robots that can leap buildings and reason with logic or some random asshat in a different part of the globe smashing fish bits together until they create a new, horrifying affront to the ecosystem. How many fucking Jurassic Parks does Hollywood need to crank out before these eggheads get it through their thick skulls that shit like this only leads down terrifying paths of doom and destruction? And honestly, this story comes out any other year I probably keep scrolling. But in a PANDEMIC YEAR FROM HELL I need all hands on deck to find a goddamn cure. I don't have time for your fish sex, you aint Guillermo del Toro, I don't care if your background and schooling has nothing to do with infectious disease. If you've ever worn a lab coat for any reason you better be balls deep in a microscope and not out there making new demonic fish. Find a cure and the go fuck all the fish you want. Like your parents making you finish your vegetables before getting dessert. I'm nothing if not a reasonable man, that feels fair for everyone.