LSU Considering Bankruptcy...Builds $84 Million Lazy River #PowerMovesOnly

BATON ROUGE, La. – Louisiana State University is taking heat for a $84.75 million “lazy river” taking shape on campus as the university faces “financial exigency.”

Funding for the massive lazy river – which will be in the shape of letters L-S-U – is funded by student recreation fee increased approved by students in 2011, and is part of a larger overhaul of school facilities that also include swimming pools, a sun deck, a 40,431 sq. ft. cardio and weight room, eight lane lap pool, 35-foot climbing wall, nine tennis courts and a fitness assessment center.

“The entire project will be used in recruiting and retaining students,” Laurie Braden, LSU’s director of recreation, told NOLA.com. “The impact of physical activity and play on the brain and students ability to learn is well documented by neuro-biologist and researcher John Ratey and Stuart Brown.”

Construction on the new facilities started in November, and is expected to take two years, according to the news site.

The project is under construction as university officials are working to save the university from financial ruin. Louisiana lawmakers are struggling to fund the state’s universities, and state aid could decrease from about $3,500 per undergrad to $660 if lawmakers can’t find more funding.

The whole situation is prompting some at LSU to question how the university can declare bankruptcy while building an unnecessary $84 million lazy river theme pool.

“The fact that we can build this pool on one budget while the university is sinking on another shows that overall there is a problem with the way universities finance their work,” LSU Faculty Senate President and professor Kevin Cope told 103.5 FM.

“To build a swimming pool in the form of the letters L, S, and U is ugly, kitsch, ridiculous, and rather childish.”

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Question, has anyone ever sounded like more of a lame than LSU Faculty Senate President Kevin Cope? Honestly who the hell hates on a lazy river? “Ugly, kitsch, ridiculous, childish.” Have you ever had fun in your entire life you square?

First of all “Faculty Senate President” if that is even a real title, let me explain something to you. You’re not going to even have a school to worry about the funding for if you don’t keep the students that are already there happy. Nobody wants to stay at a school that’s all over the news for being broke, plenty of other awesome SEC schools to transfer to. Secondly and in conjunction with that point, you won’t have a school to worry about if not a single new student applies next year. You think people are going to be lining up to drop tens of thousands of dollars on a school that’s known for going bankrupt? Do you think it’s an attractive selling point to literally be poor? You can’t repay your debts to your creditors, we’re really supposed to believe you can return our investment on our tuition?

Only one answer to keep spirits high. Build a motherfucking 84 million dollar lazy river in the shape of LSU letters smack dab in the middle of campus. Hell, spend another few million on some waterfalls for that shit. Maybe even add a wave pool. Do what you gotta do. Basically brand LSU as an awesome summer vacation resort with an awesome football team. Talk about turning lemons into lemonade.

Student body president just took this clown behind the woodshed too.

Student body president Andrew Mahtook, however, defended the massively expensive pool and said the financial argument doesn’t hold water because student fees and state funding are two different account.

“It doesn’t touch the funding that goes into teachers salaries, funds courses, or anything like that,” Mahtook said. “The funding for ‘lazy river’ was voted on by the student body as an approved self-assessment fee.”

He said Cope is looking at the project all wrong.

“That’s not how the money flow works at LSU. That’s not how student government money flow works,” he said. “So all these kinds of arguments about that and about how we’re spending our money, they’re totally unrelated and really don’t stand up.”

“Learn how money works dumb shit”, paraphrasing of course.

I do however see the point that this internet commenter is making.

Poster BrainDrainScab was on the same page.

“The theory that a lazy river will entice better quality students to LSU is ludicrous,” BrainDrainScab posted. “Better students are looking for better courses and instructors. If the students voted to pay more fees for a better pool, I think it speaks toward the caliber of student at LSU already. YOLO brah!”

A well placed YOLO BRAH is a true mic drop moment.