The CIA Still Won't Release Bin Laden's Porn Collection So Let's Take A Few Educated Guesses
CinemaBlend – When Osama Bin Laden was killed back in 2011, a number of documents were taken from the compound in Pakistan where he was found. Now, a number of these documents have been declassified, but there are some particular pieces of the al-Qaeda leader’s collection that are not being released to the public, primarily, his porn collection.
U.S. intelligence officials have released more than 100 letters and documents that were found during the raid, but they are holding the terrorist’s pornographic collection. At the time of the raid, Navy Seals reportedly uncovered a pretty extensive collection of pornography. The office of James Clapper, Director of National Intelligence confirmed that indeed, “some pornographic material” was found, but told The Guardian that the US would not release the pornography “due to the nature of their contents”. No further details were given on the matter.
Osama Bin Laden? More like Osama Bin Jerkin’. Amirite? I mean I guess when you’re playing the world’s longest game of hide-and-seek ever, you’re gonna need a few fuck flicks to help you pass the time. Bin Laden was just a big porn guy I guess. If he had internet connection and SEAL Team Six didn’t put a bullet through his brain, he’d probably be featured on Top Pornhub Comments of the Week. Definitely a giant freak and now I need to know what was in his porn stash more than ever. Need to know what this scumbag was getting his rocks off to so all of America can point and laugh at his dead ass. But for some reason the CIA doesn’t want to give us the goods (which is pretty un-American if you ask me but whatever) so I guess we’ll just have to take a few shots in the dark on our own. Until SpookyGhost comes out of retirement and does the dirty work for us.
First things first, we need to take into consideration that Bin Laden, along with Hitler, is the absolute worst human being to ever live. Might be a 3-way tie with those two and Tony Romo. So that’s one layer of crazy psycho shit he has going on. Also, he’s apparently someone who purchases porn or at least downloads it instead of just streaming online for free like a regular human being. So you know he probably wasn’t into the normal run-in-the-mill type of pornog or something simple like “husband gets caught fucking the babysitter” type of shit. Now you also have to take into consideration that every girl he ever saw in person was always wrapped up from head to toe so I guess he’s not as desensitized as the Western world, but that only adds to the freak factor. So I think we have to set the standard at BBW. It wouldn’t surprise me in the slightest if there was a ton of BDSM in the collection but some like real aggressive BDSM type of shit. I’m sure you could put solid money on at least 3 or 4 bukkake videos and 1 or 2 hentai videos just for those times where that bastard got a little curious. All in all, I’d expect this to be a pretty bizarre collection. It would be awesome to find out there are a few gay videos on there and it would be the greatest thing ever to find out that Pirates 2 Stagnettis Revenge was in the mix.
Sidenote: I like to imagine that Bin Laden was peepin one of these videos when SEAL Team Six raided his compound. Like I hope he was just settling in to a nice little jerk sesh when they busted down the door and killed that son of a bitch. Talk about a money shot. ‘Merica.
h/t SB