Surviving Barstool S4 Ep. 9 | Old Dog Bites BackWATCH NOW

Theo Epstein Should Buy The Chicago White Sox

Real quick here, because I have a few meetings with important people in a little bit where I'll be looking to lock down business deals from coast to coast. Let me introduce you to someone:

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This is Jerry Reinsdorf. Jerry Reinsdorf is the chairman and majority owner of the Chicago White Sox. You may recognize him for his cameos in the ESPN MJ Doc where he looked great for the entire documentary until the last 5 mins of the last episode where he said he didn't want to pay MJ, Scottie and Co. to go chase ring #7. He said didn't think they were worth it or some shit.  Hmm… bold strategy, Cotton. It did NOT pay off. The Bulls have been mediocre at best aside from D Rose's handful of years where he was one of the best players in basketball.

You may also know him for other reasons. Many people blame him for the '94 strike that cancelled Frank Thomas' MVP season, a season that could have gone down as one of the very best in baseball history. The White Sox were arguably the best team in baseball that year, too. Could have won the World Series had the season not gotten canceled. 

Reinsdorf also threatened to move the team to Tampa Bay prior to building the new stadium. I wasn't alive for that and don't know or care to know a lot of the details, but a lot of people loathe him to this day for it.

Now in his defense - I've never spoken with someone affiliated with the organization who doesn't gush over the guy. Ron Kittle says he's one of the best owners in sports and that he truly cares about his employees and players as if they were his kids and grand kids. I've heard that ad nauseam from many people affiliated with the club. They truly love him for the good dude that he is. 

Duly noted, but… I don't like how his organizations operate. Yes, he's gotten better in recent years and adapted with the times, but in the end I just hate that he's the White Sox owner. By all accounts he truly is a good man, yes, but I'm not here to root for good dudes, I'm here to root for W's. 

That's it. That's literally all we want as White Sox fans and we're exceptionally close to a LOT of them in the coming years. 

Jerry Reinsdorf is also turning 85 in February. He very well could be looking to sell in the coming years. In steps this man:

Theo Epstein. This DASHING young man has broken not only The Curse of the Bambino, but The Curse of the Billygoat, too, two feats that were seemingly impossible 20 years ago. The dude is as successful an executive as there is in baseball history for those two feats alone. First ballot HOF'er without a hint of a doubt.

And after a year or two of taking time away from his family, Theo might be looking to get into the ownership game:

Well in a year or two the White Sox could very well be looking for a new owner, and I would KILL for Theo to own the White Sox, as should any Sox fan with a brain. That dude has an insatiable appetite for one thing and one thing only - victory. He's a Stoolie, too. Maybe I'll set him up with Portnoy and they can get in on the White Sox ownership group together. Imagine that - people's brains would be completely BROKEN if that happened. Couldn't say "NOBODY GIVES A FUCK ABOUT THE WHITE SOX!!!" anymore, could ya? Fuck you Mush!!! 

Is this farfetched? Absolutely. Is it completely outside the realm of possibility given JR's age and given Theo's love of the game, his love of Chicago, and his desire to stay in the game in a non-front office capacity? Nope. Nope it's not.

I'm not saying, I'm just saying… a guy can dream. The amount of trolling I'd do is biblical.