Breaking Down Tonight's Roster Of Livestream Contestants
Apologies to Rico for being left off the poll. I wasn't in charge and I basically never get left off the snake draft poll because I show up week in and week out. But generally speaking it's not a good feeling to be on the outside looking in. So before we even move forward, sorry to Rico he got left in the replies. Personally that's where I'd banish Whitney because I like razzing the big name. That's just an old habit of mine.
Another habit of mine is to routinely think in percentages, tiers and priorities. It's a staple of my peer-leading time management skills.
Carl when do you sleep?
Never. I'm always on high alert which is why I'm so thoroughly prepared to drop some knowledge on you about the following five contestants. Let's not waste any time.
Elio - honestly I don't know the first fucking thing about this guy other than he's buddies with Dave, has 4 kids and seems to be extremely wealthy. That or horse ownership is just part of life on the east coast I guess? Either way he's showed severe chops on the ice and you know he's a seasoned gambler or else he wouldn't be in the chair. Obviously I'm cheering strongly against him because he's not a Barstool employee. I'm in a small, cold apartment right now drinking free beer and writing blogs in my underpants. I'm cheering for one of my own.
Whitney - Ferocious competitor that's not afraid to jump down to WSD's level and scream in your face. He's already super fucking rich but you wouldn't know it from the way he talks shit but rather from his drip drip drip style. Always dressed so well that you actually cheer against him in public settings like this. Guys like Whitney have it all so you can imagine last fucking thing I care about is whether or not he wins this contest. No offense Ryan you're a funny guy and great friend. I just can't stomach the idea of you paying a fucking massive property tax bill with these winnings.
Frank The Tank - DING DING DING let's fucking go Frank. I speak for everyone when I say let's go Tank. Easiest guy you've ever had to cheer for and I can't wait to watch him navigate the controversy as it unfolds. Kind of unfair that he doesn't get to bring an assistant with him because he deserves a 2-man team. But end of the day I think Frank has enough magic to pull this off. The greatest glow up in American media continues tonight, or at least that's the fairy tale in my brain. Let's get him out of the basement and into the penthouse.
Rico - This is my sleeper guy in the whole group. People expect me to ride with WSD/Eddie. People expect me to go all in on Frank. But deep down inside I think Rico has the most desirable traits to win this contest. He's the most relentless. Biggest grinder. Knows the data. Manually runs excel spreadsheets and studies the opposition. If this were a fist fight you would easily take Rico because he really has no flaws to his game. The only thing I don't like is that he's gotta battle Dave up close and it remains to be seen if that improves or hurts his performance. I think it improves but I don't want to be in the difficult situation of betting against Dave Portnoy. Rico is by far the most interesting man on the board. I love him.
WSD/Eddie - Off to a hot start suggesting a white board and pen and paper to keep track of the bets. A barnyard animal vs an all time circus ring leader. The slow and steady hand vs. White Sox Dave's rapid brain. If the stream were literally just these 2 guys trying to agree on bets without any of the competition it would still be electric content. The nerves amongst them have to be overwhelming but it pales in comparison to how nervous I am that they actually end up winning. In that case let me be the first to say that I will abandon any semblance of friendship that remains in our group. I want them to win only to the extent it makes people show up next week and listen to Red Line Radio.
Although if they do win, we need to immediately greenlight the next project which is a 24/7 access show to watching WSD blow the winnings. The year of the Cowboy continues.
End of the day, here's my predictions for the finishing positions.
1. Rico
2. Elio
3. Frank
4. Whitney
5. WSD/Eddie