HAPPY "GOOD" FRIDAY!!!... (not you, Jesus)

Been said a million times before, but I'll say it again... Good Friday needs a facelift.

Is this a recycled idea similar to the 'Super Bowl should be on a Saturday' blogs we see every year?

Probably.

Do I care?

Nope.

First off, Good Friday is improperly named... Whether or not you believe in it (and I don't care if you do or not), according to the Bible... A book that is essentially the... well... the Bible... for BILLIONS of people, Good Friday was actually a fucking TERRIBLE Friday for one guy in particular and also his multitude of followers to a lesser degree.

The only people Good Friday was "good" for were the people swinging the hammers, and I think we can all agree, those motherfuckers don't count today, right?

Torture Friday... Nailed-To-A-Cross Friday... Or maybe borrow from the assumedly Catholic band U2 and call it Friday, Bloody Friday.

Whatever you call it, let's try to attach the struggle to the name.  Create some buzz around the sacrifice.  

They pressed a crown of thorns into His head, marched Him through town carrying most of a tree, they then nailed Him into that same tree, He hung there for HOURS, and then they finally plunged a spear into His side.

Old-Timey Bishop 1- Yeah... Alllllllll that awful and vile shit may (or may not) have happened... So we should remember this tremendously gory and horrid event on the anniversary every year, right?

Old-Timey Bishop 2- Agreed... Something that dreadful and appalling should be memorialized.

Old-Timey Bishop 1- But what should we call such an abominable and ghastly holiday?

Old-Timey Bishop 2- How about, "Good."

Old-Timey Bishop 1- Done!

Again, IF you believe the accounts of the crucifixion... And again, I don't give a fuck if you do... But if what Jesus went through even half of what was written, people gotta know.

And the small wooden crosses hung over every Irish bed aren't cutting it, nor are the gaudy pendants hung around (insert rapper's name here)'s neck.

Couple more holy-ish thoughts on Friday, Bloody Friday:

- TGIF should be TJIF… God created it, the endless appetizers made it great, BUT Jesus put it on the fucking map.

- Holy Saturday should be renamed "Pins & Needles Saturday"… Make every year an unbearable cliffhanger that ends in… EASTER SUNDAY!

- Easter Sunday has to be renamed "Easter WE WON-DAY!!!"… Since the Catholic Church doesn't have a ton of "wins" nowadays maybe they should highlight probably their greatest one ever?

Shit, back when I was a believer, I made sure to cruise around on Easter WE WON-DAY!!! morning with the windows down on my '73 Buick Electra and the 8-Track blasting "Alive" by Pearl Jam.

"Take that Pontius Pilate!"

So this Easter season, let's flip the script and give this weekend the pizzaz it deserves.

I have an uncle who donated a kidney and we never hear the end of it… Jesus gave his people everything BUT his kidney… Let's give him the spotlight he deserves.

Enjoy the meaningless chocolate rabbits and Happy Easter.

Take a report.

-Large