Disney Released A Sneak Peak Of The New Avengers Campus Opening At Disneyland In June And I Love It 3000

Now THAT is a place I will have no problem spending hours upon hours of my day waiting in lines as kids cry, scream, and generally run amok. I'm not even just talking about going to a place that brought some of my favorite Avengers locations to life, even though I had a nerdgasm simply dreaming about walking the hallways that my dog TONEY STARK built. I realized last year as the world was going to shit that everything in my life seems fine as long as I play the Avengers song on loop while imagining the Portals scene from Endgame. So hanging out in the pleasant Cali weather while I escape reality and pretend I am in the MCU as that glorious melody plays on the well hidden speakers sounds like a glorious time.

Disney obviously had a full blown press release to announce everything that will be available at launch in less than two months (Sidenote: Holy fuck, June 2021 is less than two months away).

The first key area is the Worldwide Engineering Brigade – also known as WEB. It brings together bright innovators like Peter Parker who have been assembled by Tony Stark to invent new technologies and equip everyday people to become Super Heroes like the Avengers. WEB will house the new WEB SLINGERS: A Spider-Man Adventure, the first Disney ride-through attraction to feature the iconic friendly neighborhood Spider-Man!

Shout out to Disney for having no shame is swallowing their pride and making Spidey the center of their new world even though Sony owns the rights to his movies for the foreseeable future. Not only will Tom Holland be reprising his role of Peter Parker in the Spider-Man ride but there will also this animatronic flying around the park.

Next up is the Guardians Of The Galaxy Mission: BREAKOUT

The second anchor attraction looms high above the land, Guardians of the Galaxy – Mission: BREAKOUT!, a fan-favorite that opened in 2017. This rockin’ adventure blasts you straight into the “Guardians of the Galaxy” story, alongside characters from the blockbuster films and comics. As you help Rocket bust his fellow Guardians of the Galaxy out of the Collector’s Fortress, you will experience raucous mayhem, music inspired by the soundtracks from the movies, thrilling free-fall drop sequences and six different story lines!

There is something that just feels right that the rag tag Guardians got stuck with an old, repurposed ride like the Tower Of Terror as their attraction. As a self admitted pussy when it comes to rides, I promised myself I would never go on the Tower Of Terror even though I watched 8 year olds having no problem running to their potential doom because who the fuck wants to willingly go in a free-falling elevator? 

But I think my hand will finally be forced since Guardians is my favorite MCU franchise and my kids will never listen to a thing I say ever again if they see me hold their mom's purse as I wait on the bench for them to get off the ride because I was too scared to go on it. At least the music will be awesome as I enter a full blown panic attack!

After I puke on the Guardians ride, I will need to refill my gut, which will be easy to do at the Pym Test Kitchen.

When it is time to take a break from the heroics, several new dining spots at Avengers Campus will offer dishes that are rich in both flavor and storytelling. Pym Test Kitchen is a food innovation science lab where the food and drinks tell a story. Just as Ant-Man and The Wasp use “Pym Particles” to grow and shrink just about anything, Pym Technologies applies this science to the creation of shareable bites, inventive entrees and sweet treats.

I'm a simple man with simple pleasures that still goes to World 4 in Mario 3 whenever he plays it just because it's Giant World and considers the giant turkey leg the best food Disney offers just because it's completely preposterous. So of course I geeked out at the thought of being able to eat food that isn't normal size.

Not only is Hank Pym slinging food on campus but he's also moving booze.

Adjacent to the Pym Test Kitchen, an oversized beer can overhead signals that grown-up beverage tastings are available at Pym Tasting Lab. You can order a craft beer, ranging from a blood orange hefeweizen to an amber lager, or try one of the Pym Research Staff’s Pym Particle-infused cocktail experiments.

Oh shit, we can drink at the Avengers Campus while I am on vacation with my little monsters who are running circles around me? Yup, this is going to be every dad by 2 PM latest on the most comfortable bench he can find.

In case all this nostalgia wasn't hitting all the good parts of your nerd bone, Disney brought it way back with their food cart.

Visit one of The Avengers favorite food joints, Shawarma Palace. Enjoy a shawarma wrap at this food cart, which is decked out with memorabilia for Avenger fans.

Prediction: There will be a group of people (some would say geeks) recreating this scene every day that Avengers Campus is open for the rest of time.

We also 

Calories don't count on vacation and they DEFINITELY don't count when you are eating foods inspired by the Infinity Stones. 

Finally, the last feature announced had to deal with Wong's right hand man (In this house we stan Wong over all other wizards, even the Sorcerer Supreme)

I've actually become more of a Dr. Strange fan than I ever thought I would just because Benedict Cumberbatch has crushed the role every time he's played it. But this seems a little too much for me. Maybe I can go on a 3Chi magic carpet ride (promo code Pods for 5% off your order) then sit back and watch the magic unfold.

I'm not sure if I have to run this by Portnoy or Nardini or someone else but I need the Barstool corporate card ASAP so Robbie and I can see this place for ourselves and relay the information to the Stoolies. If anybody in Disney's media relations department is reading, I am fully vaccinated and can have a babysitter ready to handle my gremlins within 48 hours. Just slip me a tweet @TheClemReport.

I don't care who gets this all done, I need someone to get us a plane ticket to Cali, an at least a 3 star hotel accommodation, and tickets to the park so Robbie and I can pump out a review on the My Mom's Basement YouTube page since it doesn't sound like there will be an Avengers Campus or a Marvel campus of any sort in Orlando anytime soon.

(Source)- Disneyland will assemble its new Avengers Campus on June 4 in California, nearly a year after originally planned. But a long-standing court case has kept the majority of classic Marvel characters, and even the Marvel name, away from any Disney theme park east of the Mississippi River. So Florida will have to look on with envy.

In 2009, Disney bought Marvel Entertainment for $4 billion in cash and stock. But it did not obtain all the licensing rights that Marvel had signed away before then. That’s why X-Men remained a Fox movie property, and Spider-Man was still the property of Sony. And that’s also why Disney does not have the rights to use the Marvel name and characters at Walt Disney World. Universal Studios had already secured the rights to Marvel for its Orlando theme parks, and Disney CEO Bob Iger at the time acknowledged that Universal retained those rights as long as they continued to pay royalty checks to Marvel. And there’s no sign of Universal giving up that golden ticket.

As much as this sucks, I almost have to tip my cap for using the Mississippi River as the line of demarcation for where Marvel worlds can go. That is some ollllld schooling America'ing.

Anyway, speaking of the My Mom's Basement YouTube page, check out this week's recap of The Falcon And The Winter Soldier episode 4 where we break down all the chaos along with some conspiracy theories with special guest Brendan Clancy.

Or check it out on iTunes or Spotify if podcasting's your poison.

h/t Adam