Make Sure Your Username Isn't 'Buttfucker 3000' BEFORE You Log Into Zoom Court as a Defendant

Remember the cat lawyer from a Zoom court proceeding? If you thought that was the most ridiculous thing you'd see from a virtual hearing, boy, were you sorely mistaken because Buttfucker 3000 has — quite literally — entered the chat.

Nathaniel Saxton joined his Zoom court session as the defendant on charges of possession of drug paraphernalia. With that in mind, you'd think you'd want to be on your best behavior. Unfortunately, Saxton only got one chance to make a first impression with the judge and that impression was joining the Zoom with the username "Buttfucker 3000."

And Judge Jeffrey Middleton was having NONE of it. I don't know that I've ever heard someone called a "yoho" before, but it sounds oddly fitting for someone who logged into a judicial proceeding with that username.

I have to imagine this was not Saxton's intent, because he looks genuinely shocked when he realizes what had happened. And if that is the case, I can only imagine the sheer panic that set in. When you're already on the hook for drug paraphernalia, I can't imagine you want to add a Buttfucker 3000 contempt of court charge to the rap sheet. Can you imagine having to go to jail and explain to murderers that you're in there for showing up to virtual court as Buttfucker 3000?

Also, how is not one of the other people on this call not absolutely losing it? I'm sure they're all important legal people, but the fact that nobody is laughing at this is remarkable. Someone's life is potentially falling apart because he showed up to court as Buttfucker 3000, which is objectively hilarious as long as it's not happening to you.

It turns out the whole thing was supposedly his sister's fault.

Syracuse.com — Saxton later returned to the video conference call with the username “Nathaniel Saxaon,” appearing to have misspelled his own name. He said his sister set up the Zoom account, claiming the name was an “inside joke.”

“It’s not what you think, I’m embarrassed. I’m sorry,” Saxton said.

The judge, who chastised another defendant for wearing a hat during the virtual court session, also gave Saxton a message for his sister.

“Tell her she almost got you put in jail for contempt of court,” Middleton said.

Saxton eventually pleaded guilty and got off with a $200 fine. And hopefully he taught us all an incredibly valuable lesson in paying attention to detail.