Pre-Summer Tip: When You Go to the Salon, Be Sure to Ask for the Tanning Bed Without a Corpse in It

Source -  A tan salon customer has found a woman's corpse on a sun bed after she had a two-hour session at the solarium in Austria. 

The alarmed customer attempted to revive the lifeless woman, 50, without success. 

The shocking discovery was made at a salon in Deutsch Kaltenbrunn, a town in the district of Jennersdorf in Burgenland in Austria, on Sunday. ...

The customer had suspected something was wrong after noticing that the first cabin was occupied but there was no noise coming from it. ...

After calling to the woman, the customer opened the cabin door to find the body. 

Emergency services were called to the scene but they were unable to revive the woman. 

During the autopsy, investigators found no evidence of foul play and the woman's body showed no sign of injury.

Let this be a lesson to us all. Summer is finally here. A lot of people who let themselves go pale will be hitting the salons to get themselves a nice base before they hit the beach, the park, the tennis courts and the golf courses. And if that's you, be sure and have an employee check the tanning bed before you go flipping the lid in order to make sure it's clean, sanitary, and free of bothersome decaying corpses. 

I for one have never been inside one of these places. As I've said before, I'm an Irishman. Probably descended from Norsemen who came to Eire and impregnated anyone they could. And I come from the northeast. All of which means I need to lay in the sun for a couple of weeks just to get to pale. I start out the spring sort of translucent. Like a jellyfish. I'll get to normal skin for about an hour, then go straight to the color of a raspberry Big Gulp for a few days until my skin peels off in sheets like the backing on a Band-Aid. So I'd no sooner spend two hours of luxuriating in one of these cancer caskets than I'd take a bath in a nuclear reactor. And the effect on my skin would be about the same. 

So I'm in no position to speak intelligently about how common or uncommon an occurrence like this is. Maybe the odds are pretty good. Or maybe finding a dead body in there is as rare as shucking an oyster and finding a pearl. Though I suspect most of these customers die, not in the bed, but in a chemo ward a few years later. Nevertheless, you don't want to be the unlucky one who got the appointment right after the short timer who leaves you a surprise package in there. So proceed accordingly. Take it from your Life Coach Jer and this poor, hapless lady from Deutsch Kaltenbrunn with the kickass tan.