You Think You Are Having A Rough Day? This Sorry Son Of A Bitch Got Swallowed By A Motherfucking WHALE Just Off Of Cape Cod

Yup, that is a headline I didn't expect to write when I woke up this morning but goddamn did it feel good to write it. No offense to this poor bastard who looked about as shook up as anybody would be by having a whale go biblical on his ass and turn him into a real life Jonah. However all this is bigger than him. 

A casual story about a guy getting swallowed by a whale coming out on a Friday afternoon is the first time I've felt normal writing in more than a year. I was grinding out blog about Korean baseball and old school WWF videos when the entire world while we were all locked inside and have been covering sports games that are never truly all the way normal. Yet this was the return of a preposterous story perfectly crafted for Barstool.

I suppose there is a chance this is just the local crazy guy spinning his fables to anybody who would listen. But I believe him, yo. You show me a guy that's standing around or sitting at a table giving the play by play of everything, I'll show you a guy that definitely was not eaten by a whale. But you show me a guy sitting in the middle of the parking lot saying "I'm in a whale's mouth" over and over, I'll show you a guy that was definitely in a whale's mouth. The eyes don't lie and these eyes tell the story of a man that has seen the inside of a whale's mouth up close and personal.

So thank you random lobster diver for not only giving me that sense of normalcy back but for also ensuring that I will never ever everrrrrrr consider diving for lobster in my life because one of the potential pitfalls of the job is getting swallowed by a fucking whale like Pinocchio. I’m sure lobster prices on the Cape are about to hit an all-time high. And congrats on your second lease on life as well as the ultimate trump card when exchanging your craziest story with a bunch of people late at night. If anybody deserves to kick off their weekend with an ice cold one, it's this guy.