RHCP Bassist "Flea" Is DISGUSTED With The Results Of The Westminster Dog Show
(UPROXX)
Maybe we’ve all been inside too long. Maybe we don’t know how to socialize anymore so we project our fears and fantasies onto a dog show. Or maybe, just maybe, the Westminster Dog Show would’ve captured our hearts and minds even without the ongoing 15-month lockdown that’s turned our brains into mush!
Who knows, at this point, but the fact remains, the Westminster Dog Show might as well be the Super Bowl given the way it’s influenced some of the best minds of my generation to tweet unhinged takes. And not even famous musicians are safe from this canine spectacle — Red Hot Chili Peppers founding member and bassist Flea is getting in on the conspiracy theories in a big way.
Okay so I saw this headline and 1. laughed and 2. gave the Westminster Kennel Club the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps the elegant Golden Retriever won best in show. Maybe a Labrador retriever took home the grand prize. Could it have been a German shepherd? Possibly, and all of those breeds would have been more than worthy. But nope - not even close. Per Flea, it was a fucking Pekingese that won it all this year:
Ummmm what the fuck? A fucking Pekingese? This thing?
Is that even a dog? It looks like some love child of a monkey and a cat. It's 745am as I write this blog, so I know it's way too early to put on the tinfoil hat and do conspiracy theory deep dives, but I want answers. Flea wants answers. We ALL want answers. How in the fuck is this 5 pound hairy little freak winning the best prize in international sports? I don't mean to be curt, but this is bullshit and it stinks to high heavens. Maybe Flea is right; maybe the judge did want to get in the handler's pants. Seems plausible enough. Sure, the handler's an old guy…
…but maybe Flea's on to something or has inside intel that the judges are into old dudes. To each their own. I have no qualms with that; I have done a lot to get laid in my life. Beg, lie, cheat, steal, you name it. Vagina is a powerful drug. I imagine dicks are too if that's what you're in to. Just don't let your perverted minds seep into the judgment of the dog show. I don't think that's too much to ask.
The sanctity of the Westminster Dog Show is in question. Flea knows that as much as anyone, and speaking on behalf of myself, Flea, the Red Hot Chili Peppers and dog lovers everywhere, I demand an investigation of these judges. I knew something was up when Ace didn't get invited to the Dog Show this year, even though he's the most handsome dog on earth:
So now it's official. Something is afoul. No SHOT could that little ass Pekingese beat out a real dog like Ace unless the entire show was rigged. I'm disgusted and you should be too. Stop the steal!!!!! These results are RIGGED.