Coca-Cola Lost $4 Billion in Market Value Because Ronaldo Took Bottles Off the Table at His Press Conference

I could not have less of a clue why things in the stock market happen the way they do, but this seems a bit extreme. Coca-Cola lost $4 BILLION in market value on Monday after Cristiano Ronaldo had to show everybody how cool he is because he's the fittest dude on the planet and doesn't drink Coke.

Yeah, we get it, pal. You're built like a Greek god and you're the second-best soccer player in the world. Nobody was under the impression you got there by being the Coca-Cola equivalent of Dana Beers. But now Coke shareholders have to take a bath because you want to show what a badass you are? That's bullshit.

I will at least give Ronaldo that it's definitely not an act. This guy won't even let his kids drink a soda without telling them they're going to be failures.

Imagine living your childhood under this soda dictator? I'm sure it's a bit easier when this is your vacation home, but sometimes you just want to kick back with an ice cold soft drink and watch some cartoons.

The biggest thing I took away from this whole situation, though, is that the best way you could describe how massive Ronaldo is to someone who doesn't watch soccer is that he can almost singlehandedly cause a 1.6 percent drop in the value of Coca-Cola. That's certifiably insane.

So if you're a shareholder in any food or beverage product that's being advertised at Euro 2020, pray your stocks don't end up in front of Ronaldo at his next presser.