This Guy Casually Flying on a Drone Through Times Square Represents All My Dreams Coming True

I respectfully disagree, Wu Tang is for Children. Not with your Twitter handle, mind you. That sentiment is universal and their influential brand of hardcore, slang-heavy East Coast hip hop is what the kids need right now more than ever. They are our future. Teach them well and let them lead the way. 

But drones large and powerful enough to fly a man through iconic city landmarks is exactly what we need. What I need, anyway. Why on this very Father's Day I wrote that all I ever wanted out of life was a loving wife and kids I'm proud of. But also a 007 Thunderball style jet pack. I got the first two, but technology has taken its sweetass time getting me the third. And if the engineers are going to continue to be asleep at the switch, then I'll just settle for being this guy. 

This is insane. I don't know how he controls it. I can't imagine for one second it's safe. I've always believed that humans should be equipped with a heads up display in our brains with a meter that measures the odds of us dying on any activity we're engaged in. So rock climbing would get the gauge up to 80%. Sitting in a chair reading, 0.1%. Smoking in bed, 75%. Getting on a commercial flight: 0.01%. Drunk driving, 95%. Telling my mother-in-law to stop telling me how to live my life: Already Dead. And so on. 

If we had that, this guy would be at 90%, minimum. Either from veering into high tension electrical wires, getting taken out by a truck when he flies too low, inevitably running out of power, or just being shot out of the sky on general principle because this is America. 

And yet ... count me in. Every man dies, but how many men who have never flown through Times Square truly lived? The coward dies a thousand times. The man who flies around standing upright on a huge drone dies but once, and all that.

My only fear would be that I might start out trying to use this power for good. Like Tony Stark or the Falcon. But then end up corrupted by it, go berserk and start committing evil, like The Green Goblin. 

But I know myself well enough to recognize I'd do neither of those things. Either journey, the superhero or the supervillain, is a ton of work and commitment. I just want one of these things because they kick all the ass imaginable. And before you know it, they'll be everywhere. The skies - at least the ones slightly over our heads - will be filled with them and they'll be no cooler than a Vespa or a Segway. Worse, they'll be a crutch for the lazy, like those handifat power scooters they tool around in at Walmart. Just another excuse for Americans to not get up on their cankles and burn a few calories. So get me one now. While they're still cool.