How To Get Posted On The Barstool Instagram: Part 5

Over the course of the past year-plus, I’ve semi unintentionally been thrusted into the position of Intermittent Receptionist for the Barstool Sports Instagram video submissions.  

It seems the more the company grows, the less the general public knows what it actually is, but the more they want to be featured on its social pages. On a daily basis, my DMs get inundated with clips from aspiring viral stars that would make Rob Dyrdek retire and Ms. Coast only slightly snicker. 

What I’m saying is that these videos are BAD. Not the type of "bad" that evokes emotions like anger or hysteria or even mild disapproval, but bad in the way that makes you contemplate how anyone would even decide to sacrifice those megabytes to their camera roll, let alone willingly share them with third parties. As someone whose most critically acclaimed content contribution in the past few months has been participating in a “smoothie draft” of various fruits, vegetables, and inedible children’s toys, I guess I'm not in a position to judge the quality of other people's videos, but a line has to be drawn somewhere, right?

So when I see footage of an anonymous male committing a 2nd degree felony on a helpless young woman to the point of shattering her entire carpus, and the victim in that situation is the one who sent the video to me in hopes of getting it posted, I reach a breaking point. Even though I can't quite comprehend this mass phenomena of people trying so desperately to become the temporary stars of a dime-a-dozen Barstool instagram post, I can at least do my part in making their lives slightly more miserable and inconvenient. 

Exhibit A:

I have nothing against this innocent woman and the minute-long shouting/chanting/dancing fest she sent of her friend's Caribbean destination wedding, but my moral compass stops working after any sentiment that begins with “We’re Jersey and Staten Island girls.” 

_

Exhibit B: Someone Call Morgan The Code Expires In 5 Minutes

(I really thought this was gonna be the one that tricked him)