Joe Judge Has No Time For Your Fancy Pants Bill Gates Football Analytics In Excel

Noooooooooo Coach Judge, noooooooooooo!!! I've been trying to fight off the angry mob of Giants fans demanding every person on the Big Blue org chart to have their heads on spikes outside of MetLife after Sunday's dogshit loss to the Falcons. I thought I had successfully gotten people off your scent by reminding everyone that the guy riding the brake on the offense has slowed the entire team down and caused this season to resemble a brutal car crash.

I can get fans to forget that their team's disciplinarian head coach that harps on execution has had all three losses marred by brutal penalties and mistakes in big spots when the offensive coordinator has been atrocious since he was working for one of our biggest rivals and the GM has been a punchline since he walked through the door. But I can't save you if you go after the NFL numbers nerds and their beloved Excel in the year 2021, even if the Giants did end up scoring a touchdown on the drive following that brutal punt.

Those beautiful minds get off on making pigskin pivot tables and football formula bars in order to tell the world how much more they know about the most uncertain game in the world. The Giants are already the victim of the most snarky jokes per year since we have Computah Folks Gettleman tossing them quotes like chum every year. I don't need Big Blue turning into even more of a punching bag online because people think they have a blockhead coach that hates numbers and no use for data.

By the way, based on everything I saw from the Knicks before and after Fizdale was fired, I think it's fair to say that guy stunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnk

Football Guys and Numbers Guys have been butting heads since they were pumping out TI-1 calculators. But I need things to cool off a bit considering how ugly this season may get for the Giants' leader of men. Maybe Coach Judge can just say he loves numbers as a former teacher (kindergarten teacher but teacher nonetheless), is more of a Mac guy that only uses whatever the Apple version of Excel, and sprinkles in some light microchip talk to disparage Bill Gates's name?

:thinks about it for a second:

Okay, that's probably not the best route to go. But let's try to avoid starting any blood feuds with the loudest contingent of NFL Twitter after going 0-3 in the easiest part of the schedule as leaders on the Giants are going down for the season weekly. Or just fire Jason Garrett and see if that fixes the numbers being lower on the Giants side of the scoreboard every single week.