After Further Review, Tails Does Indeed Fail

It brings me no joy reporting this fact since my overworked heart truly does go out to every single Bills fan that somehow survived last night. However, we officially have to bury the Tails Never Fails saying after last night when tails failed in the biggest of spots during maybe the best football game any of us have ever seen. Am I saying this as a Heads guy that has always believed in Heads being better since it literally is the first thing mentioned in Heads Or Tails? Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe fuck yourself. 

But the people who have long dismissed Heads like it doesn't have at worst a 50% chance of winning every time it takes the field simply because of a children's rhyme that made people seem contrarian has always driven me nuts. It's like saying Rock Is A Lock in Rock, Paper, Scissors even though your big bad rock fist gets covered with a thin piece of looseleaf 100% of the time your opponent throws Paper. Trust me, I get saying rhymes is fun. My dumb brain loves rhyming as much as it loves watching cartoons with hip hop music added to the background.

I giggle every time I watch this from the moment it starts until the moment it ends

While the entire sports world is busy demanding that the NFL changes its overtime rules because a coin toss decided an awesome game where the more likable team lost, maybe they should pump the brakes then be more outraged about that the coin toss was decided by a silly rhyme. Once you do that, there is no denying that the Tails Never Fails propaganda machine have the blood of #BillsMafia on their hands like countless folding tables in Western New York.

And if you ever hear someone utter the words Tails Never Fails again, remind them that tails not only failed Josh Allen and the Buffalo Bills but it failed the millions of Bills fans around the planet still praying they see their team win a Super Bowl before they die as well as everyone that wanted to see a Bengals vs. Bills AFC Championship Game in Buffalo this week even if it could have signaled the beginning of the apocalypse (or the end because I think that shit kicked off a little while ago). Then tell them Heads We Win, Tails We Kick because it's the official mantra of Team Heads, the new leader in the coin flip clubhouse today and forever after tails killed Josh Allen's perfect streak.

Also I have no clue if this is true but it feels like it is, so I'm counting it as the final nail in Tails Never Fails coffin.