Rex Ryan Proclaiming His Status as a Proud Foot Fetishist is the Content We're All Here For
Ladies and gentlemen, it's my great pleasure to reintroduce to our stage, Coach Rex Ryan. Football Guy. Jolly fat man. King of the one-liner. Toe expert. National frickin' treasure.
In his coaching days with the Jets and Bills, when he had a proclivity for mixing incredible game plans that would completely stymie the Patriots (that 2010 playoff game at New England was a masterpiece) in and among the disorganized chaos (his Jets once had a game-tying touchdown taken off the board because a timeout had been called from the bench ... by Sheldon Richardson) and his press conferences were all appointment television, I was fond of saying that if Rex Ryan didn't exist, I'd have had to invent him.
Well, now that he's been away from the sidelines and in front of the camera full time where he belongs for five years, it's that same sentiment to the 10th power.
That "toe expert" line is not only funnier than anything that's been said on late night shows since maybe peak Conan, it should be taught in every Marketing program and Public Relations course in every institution of higher learning in the land. It is exactly how a public figure should handle their private business being aired for all the world to see. Not that he or Mrs. Ryan should be embarrassed about his interest in her feet:
On the contrary. When a man and his improbably attractive wife enjoy a part of her body together in their private time (and possibly invite others to share in the enjoyment with them), it's something to be celebrated. All the world loves a lover, after all.
But the world also enjoys having intimate knowledge of somebody else's personal business, sexual proclivities and fetishes. It's simply how we are hardwired. Without that instinct, the internet might not even have become a thing. So when your private moments become public, don't run from it. Don't pretend the whole world doesn't know. Don't try to move on like it never happened. Lean into it, the way Rex does.
Have fun with it. If the subject of the most talked-about toe in the NFL comes up, address the elephant in the room with a delivery that says, "Hell yeah, I'm a toe expert. When these cameras go off and I get out of makeup, I'm going straight home for a mouthful of those digits and a foot job for the ages and I don't care who knows." Brilliant. And the LOL of the season. That's how you own a story and make it your own. As much as Sexy Rexy loves Mrs. Ryan's lower extremities, America should love him.