Two Workers At The M&Ms Factory Lived The Dream And Got Trapped In A Chocolate Tank For More Than Two Hours

(Source)- Crews rescued two people Thursday after they became trapped in a chocolate tank at an M&M/Mars factory in central Pennsylvania, according to multiple reports. 

Lancaster County dispatchers told PennLive.com that two people fell into a tank at the facility just after 1:50 p.m. First responders had been called to help cut a hole into the tank to free the people trapped, WHTM-TV reported. According to WHP, the two people were rescued by 4:15 p.m. and taken to a hospital. They were not injured, PennLive.com reported.

Oompa Loompa, doopity doo. I've got another riddle for you!

Just kidding, no riddles here. Instead I want to wish a heartfelt congrats to these two workers for living the dream that every M&Ms employee has dreamt of Augustus Glooping their asses in the delicious chocolate that resides inside those iconic thin candy shells along with anybody that read or watched any of the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory movies. Every workplace has the forbidden fruit every worker dreams of doing. I'm not sure what the Barstool version of that at HQ would be. Maybe laughing at Portnoy for some unfortunate circumstance that befell him or watching diehard Braves fan Frank The Tank's heart break as he watched the hated Mets win the World Series.

Regardless, these two did what countless of other coworkers thought about doing every day they clocked in to what I imagine is a beautiful smelling factory, hopefully scooped no less than 2 gallons of liquid chocolate into their mouths, and still escaped with their lives, likely along with a case of diabetes. I'm not sure if they'll escape with their jobs our without a suspension. But I consider every journey into an M&Ms chocolate tank a success. Doubly so if they went through the entire production process and ended up being the origin story for these two superheroes, which would be some real Wonka shit.

Now I will wrap up this blog by throwing it to another staple of my childhood in Marc Summers giving us a tour of the M&Ms factory on the classic if not severely underrated show Unwrapped.

P.S. The Gene Wilder version of Charlie And The Chocolate Factory is the only version I acknowledge and Tim Burton should go to hell for what he did in his iteration of it. Actually I bet that sick fuck Tim Burton would enjoy hell too much so I take that back. He should instead be sentenced to life being stuck in a dentist chair at Wonka's dad's dentist office for butchering a classic story in his typical weirdo ways.

P.P.S. When I was a kid, my parents told me that the hotel we were staying at in Hershey Park had bowls of candy in the hallway that you could just take handfuls of. I don't know if they were lying our misinformed, but it absolutely CRUSHED young Clem to the point my old fat ass is still talking about it all these decades later.