Elon Will Change the Name of Twitter to 'Twatter' And Other Second Half Market Predictions
In the latest episode of THE FAMILY OFFICE Large and I discussed our predictions for S&P 500 for the second half of the year. Spoiler alert: we both think markets have further to fall, but don't think it'll be as bad as the first half's carnage.
In case you were on the front lines in Ukraine or in a monkeypox induced coma, markets got rekt during the first 6 months of the year of our Lord 2022. The S&P 500 was down 21%. To put things in perspective, the last time things were that bad Large was still suckling his mother's teet for sustenance.
But just because I didn't graduate from an Ivy League University, and don't like the smell of booger sugar, doesn't mean the trust fund Chads over at big banks should have all the fun making wild predictions about what the second half of 2022 holds...
1) Elon will buy Twitter for less than the $54.20 per share, the current agreed upon price. He'll promptly change its name to 'Twatter' to impress his 27-year-old girlfriend that definitely likes him because of his personality.
2) Apple will continue to be a baby back bitch... will not give the world the Apple Car it deserves. Steve Jobs will continue to haunt Tim Apple's dreams.
3) Martin Shkreli, fresh out of jail, will corner the market on some rare earth metal and regain the title of most hated man in America.
4) Robinhood's offices will be raided by federal investigators. Vlad Tenev will get a full cavity search.
5) Oil will hit $200 per barrel. You'll consider buying an electric vehicle before realizing you'd rather turn tricks under a bridge than be caught dead in a Prius.
6) Amazon will buy Kohl's. It will remove the bathrooms and turn the storefronts into local warehouses... which will come in handy when we all lose our jobs during the recession.
7) Speaking of a recession, we'll officially enter a recession in the back half of 2022.
8) You'll be able to smoke a JUUL legally in the US.
9) The Fed will raise rates by 1% at one of its meetings. Your retirement account will get nuked.
10) Someone will figure out a super-niche utility for NFTs. They will become the world's first trillionaire.
11) GameStop chairman Ryan Cohen and AMC CEO Adam Aron will give Wall Street Bets the collab they've been waiting for: AMC x GME NFTs. They will be worthless in a matter of weeks (GameStop won't even offer store credit for them).
12) The most valuable asset in THE FAMILY OFFICE portfolio becomes a minority stake in a Chick-fil-A franchise.
Snap necks and cash checks,
Tyler
PS, IF YOU WANT MORE FINANCE NEWS AND COMMENTARY, CHECK OUT THE FAMILY OFFICE. LARGE AND I TALK MARKETS AND ARE INVESTING $5,001 OF OUR OWN MONEY FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT. WATCH EPISODE 4 NOW.