Scandal Rocks New Zealand's 'Bird of the Year' Voting as the Leading Candidate is DQ'ed Amid Allegations of Election Interference

Xinhua. Shutterstock Images.

You hate to see it. Just hate to see it.

So many of our sacred cultural institutions are failing in their duty to keep things fair and honest. From tampering in the NFL to Olympic Figure Skating to chess masters using anal beads, it's getting harder by the day to believe anything is on the level any more. 

Sadly, tragically, even that noble endeavor that is the New Zealand "Bird of the Year" has come under scrutiny in the past. By giving an award that is, by name and definition meant for a cold-blooded, egg laying animal to a flying mammal:

Now it turns out that the people who felt that election and past elections were rigged have more ammo to make their case. The candidate that had won election twice and was leading in the polls, has been eliminated. And the supporters of this majestic beast are understandably outraged:

Washington Post - There’s bad news for those hoping to crown — yet again — the kākāpō as New Zealand’s “Bird of the Year”: The flightless bird, also known as the world’s fattest parrot, isn’t in the running this year.

The reason came down to its overshadowing cuteness, said Ellen Rykers, a spokesperson for Forest & Bird, which organizes the annual competition.

“The kākāpō has already won twice,” Rykers told The Washington Post. “And while he’s definitely a fan favorite, we want to make sure that we’re able to give attention to other birds that tend to get overlooked. It will be a brief hiatus, though, not a complete barring.” …

In the past 17 years [Bird of the Year] has turned into a full-blown electoral race — with people signing up as campaign managers for each bird and masterminding creative ways to get votes. In recent years, for example, campaign managers have strutted down streets in penguin costumes or urged their Tinder matches to vote for their favorite bird, Rykers said.

And just like other — perhaps, higher-stakes — elections, “Bird of the Year” has faced a string of scandals. In 2018, fraudulent votes were cast in Australia for the shag. The next year, a large number of Russian votes sparked rumors of election meddling, though they were later deemed legitimate. And then last year, “Bird of the Year” went to … a bat. The reason for that, Rykers said, was linguistics — the name of the competition reads slightly differently in Māori, the language of the Indigenous people of New Zealand.

No way, Forest & Bird. No ducking way we're going to sit still for this. It's just another excuse in a long line of excuses that call all your election integrity into question. It's just another threat to our democracy, no matter how you try to spin it. First it was Russian interference. Then you elect a critter that's not eligible, either legally or according to the dictionary. And time and time again you come up with some half-baked explanation when what you should be doing is protecting the public. To make sure Every Vote Counts. 

And if you want to have term limits, have them. But codify them into law, the way the US did with the 22nd Amendment after FDR got elected to a fourth term while his wheelchair was basically sitting in death's on-deck circle. You can't just arbitrarily and unilaterally deny the will of the people. It's not only anti-democratic; it's speciesist. It's anti-kākāpō bigotry. It's no better than what they do in Russia or China. And that is not what our ancestors fought and died for. 

You can say you're just trying to be fair to the other birds, but what about fairness to the grassroots voters? The kākāpō constituency? The ones who have volunteered, put on kākāpō costumes, knocked on doors to get out the kākāpō vote? Don't they get a say? Besides, whatever penguin or emu or kiwi gets into office now will lack a mandate because they'll be considered fraudulent. They'll never be able to get their agenda passed because everyone will know this election was a sham. And that, as we've learned in the human world, is how trouble starts. 

My advice to the kākāpō's supporters is to write in the name of Polly, the Dead Parrot from Monty Python as a protest vote. It's what these fat-shaming SOBs from Forest & Bird deserve.