Cocaine Bear Is Going To Be The Must Watch Movie Of The Winter

We talked about this on the Rundown today and I was too excited not to blog about it. 

I've never heard a movie title as enticing as Cocaine Bear. Cocaine Bear is based on a true story of a bear who hit a lick of cocaine, but was unable to flip the package before it got the best of him. I can relate to this indulgent bear. Imagine stumbling upon a life changing, or at least a significant amount of money worth of drugs. Assuming you aren't a narc coward afraid of a little jail/prison time, you're gonna find a way to sell off the drugs. But before you sell them off, you're going to have to party a bit first. The problem is the come down. The come down from drugs is hard. You can deal with it when you're all out of drugs, because you don't have any more drugs to turn to. But what about when you have a seemingly unlimited supply like this bear? I'm sure the bear told himself that after the first night, he would find a seedy park ranger to sell it off too. But when the come down hit, he thought "I can do it for one more night, I'll still have plenty to sell off tomorrow." Same thing happened the next day. Then the next day. Then the next day. His tolerance built up until he needed to crazy amounts of drugs to feel a good high. Then one day, he finally took it too far, and BAM! cocaine bear overdose. 

I'm not a drug guy or anything, but I've heard from movies that's how things go. 

But in all serious, Cocaine Bear is based on a true story that boarders on hilarious and tragic. In 1985, a man named Andrew C. Thornton, a one time narcotics officer turned drug smuggler (kind of a bad ass path to take in life), dropped a package of cocaine out of an airplane (that he was flying himself), because "his load was too heavy". Also pretty fucking cool. He had so much cocaine in his plane that he had to throw some cocaine out of his plane. 

Anyways, a friendly Kentucky woods black bear happened upon this duffle bag of cocaine. He proceeded to ingest the entire duffle bag, and died of a cocaine overdose. I'm not sure if that is the only recorded bear cocaine overdose in history, but it certainly was one of the few.  

So that's what the movie is about. It appears that the only fictional part of the plot is when the bear "goes on a murderous rampage". Although I'm assuming that is a major plot point.

However, to me, the most shocking part of Cocaine Bear is that it features a posthumous Ray Liotta in his final performance. I can't think of a classier way to go out on top than by playing a small role in Cocaine Bear. 

And one more thing. You can go see the actual cocaine bear in person. They stuffed him. The stuffed cocaine bear currently resides at a mall in Kentucky. The mall is called The Kentucky For Kentucky Fun Mall. 

Sounds like a fun mall indeed. 

Quick power ranking of bears I would do cocaine with:

Kung Fu Panda - Would do karate together

Yogi Bear - Fun hijinks and stealing from people

Paddington Bear - I'm neutral about Paddington Bear

Winnie the Pooh - Too much of a sad sack

Berenstain Bears - Can't do drugs with kids