Uncle Stevie Locked Up Brandon Nimmo For 8 Years At The Low Low Price Of $162 Million Then Signed David Robertson To Put The Cherry On Top

Take your bow, Scott Boras you strong arming motherfucker you! Every person on God's green Earth knew that the Mets needed to have Brandon Nimmo atop that lineup to grind out ABs and get pitch counts up, which would be huge for the team whether he got out, got a hit, or walked then ran to first which allowed this offense to click when it actually clicked.

All those people also knew that Steve Cohen has more money than God and nobody is better than getting some of that money for their clients than Scott Boras. I mean how do you say no to a wordsmith like this?

I'm sure Twitter is littered with people saying overpay. Those same people are also losing sleep at night about their team's future free agents leaving when the Padres or Giants or some other West Coast team without a budget backs up a Brinks truck to their house. So Uncle Stevie took care of one of the guys that got the Mets to 101 wins, probably while uttering the phrase of a TV character based on him.

Me? I'm just happy the Mets continue to embrace the most important position in the outfield. If the Wilpons were here, we'd probably be welcoming Juan Lagares back with open arms and convincing ourselves that this is the year he puts it all together. Instead we got Brandon Nimmo back for the next 8 years to piss off opposing fanbases by being a smiling pest at the plate and an ace in the field now that we have coaches that actually know how to position their outfielders.

Goddamn those were some good times before everything fell apart.

Speaking of falling apart, I know the minute there is even a whisper that Nimmo may hit the IL (which he was no stranger to before his contract yet), Mets fans are going to scream about his contract just like they would've screamed about how mad they were if Nimmo signed this deal with the Padres or Giants or whoever else. Luckily this guy doesn't seem to care that his payroll is at $325 million and he isn't done yet.

Don't believe me? The bullpen also got shored up a little more right after the Nimmo deal was signed, which is neat!

I'm not sure if it's a coincidence that these moves all came after an ex-Mets pitcher spurned Uncle Stevie for the second year in a row but I don't care either as long as these moves keep coming. You know what time it is!

Eppler Mode: ENGAGED

Josh Lefkowitz. Getty Images.

HIT IT BILLY!!!