The Browns Are Pulling Out All The Stops For Home Field Advantage By Flooding Their Already Frozen Stadium

File this one under pure genius. Alvin Kamara can't run for 300 yards on the Browns dog shit run defense if he can't even stand up without slipping and falling on his ass. 

The Browns give up 5 yards per carry, which is tied for second worst in the NFL. So obviously the Saints were going to come to Cleveland and try to run the ball down their throats. The problem is that not even the Jamaican bobsled team could get traction in these elements. It is currently -17 degrees with the wind chill on the lake and now the Browns game ops team has unleashed their secret weapon: A slippery layer of what I can only assume is toilet water.

I was at a Kenny Chesney concert at the stadium back in 2007 and the entire place flooded with shit. Like literally rivers of shit water ankle deep running through the entire stadium. The funny part was that everyone was so drunk from tailgating all day and then singing songs that would eventually end up on every other Ford commercial that no one seemed to care or notice they were wading through human waste. Just 50,000 white people in sandals, cargo shorts, and shitty cowboy hats trudging through bile like an army unit invading Saigon. 

And that was in the middle of summer. The weather today is half of what we thought it would be if the Browns ever won the Super Bowl. The other half would be filling the place up with excrement. Add those together and it is literally hell frozen over. 

The Browns currently have less than a 1% chance at making the playoffs and not only need to win out but need a shit ton of other stuff to happen too.

And when you need shit to happen you make shit happen. Literally. 

I don't know who was the first person to ever say it but you know the phrase: If you ain't cheatin' you ain't tryin'. I applaud the Browns stadium crew for trying since the players in the locker room have only done that about half the games this season.