JJ Watt's Story About A "High Off His Ass" Cardinals Rookie Who Reacted To His Retirement Post-Oral Surgery Is An All-Timer

You have to admire the hustle from Arizona Cardinals rookie linebacker Jesse Luketa, but can we also acknowledge that the native of Edmonton, Alberta, Canada fully embodies the stereotype about Canadians generally being wholesome and super kind? That shouldn't get lost in all of this hilarity. 

Only someone who hails from North of the Border would have the wherewithal to be high as a kite after wisdom teeth surgery and still manage to congratulate a teammate on the sudden news of his retirement. But it's equally as funny that Luketa, a rookie seventh-round pick out of Penn State whose NFL career is far from guaranteed year over year, is thinking ahead and trying to invest in some premium JJ Watt swag. What a guy, seriously. I have nothing but respect.

In case you click on this blog and for some reason don't watch the above video, Luketa messaged Watt with a picture of himself in the midst of a post-anesthesia stupor (high off his ass, to use Watt's words) and said in a voice memo, "J.J., I just heard you were retiring. All I want is a jersey at the end of the season."

Watt hits him back on FaceTime, and Luketa reiterates the message in slurred speech: "I just want a JERSEY!"

Then four hours later, Luketa texts and is all like, "I still want that jersey, man. But I'm sorry for the call."

My belief is Luketa wasn't purely out for the jersey. He was showing his reverence for what Watt has accomplished in the NFL. It just came out a little blunt due to, you know, the druuuuuuugs. Luketa's heart is in the right place. As someone who got all their wisdom teeth out at once and someone who spent four years of my life living in Canada, I think I have as good of a pulse on Luketa's mindset as anyone. Do not slight this man.

I know some people think Watt is a little "fake" or whatever but damn man, tough crowd, them's be. I think he's pretty fucking awesome. He's still dominating to this day on the field, so putting a somewhat surprising, abrupt halt to his career couldn't have been easy.

It's kind of a sad, anticlimactic ending to Watt's playing days. Not only did he deal with a fuck ton of injuries as he got older, but the three-time Defensive Player of the Year also had the relative misfortune of winding up in Arizona once the Houston Texans released him to free agency. 

I'm sure Watt doesn't regret every aspect of the move to the Cardinals. However, he could've definitely played for his home-state team, the Green Bay Packers, or any other number of contenders. Sucks that it didn't work out in the desert in terms of competing for a championship. A Super Bowl is the only accolade missing from Watt's resume. Oh well. He'll be a first-ballot Hall of Famer anyway, unless the voters are as high as Jesse Luketa after oral surgery and somehow botch that no-brainer decision.

Twitter @MattFitz_gerald/TikTok