I Am About To Be Stuck In A Bowling Alley For A Very Long Time, But This Is My Plan...
It's official. After a horrific football season of picks (27-46), I have finished in last place in this year's Pardon My Take NFL Picks Competition. The punishment?
I must bowl a perfect 300, but for every hot dog that I eat, 5 pins will be removed from my target score.
Before I dive into my strategy, there are a few other rules that should be noted...
- 1 pin is removed for every Coors Light consumed
- You must complete 3 games per hour (max. 10 hours per day)
- The target score at the beginning of each game is locked in for the duration of that game
PMT producer Max Dolente finished in 2nd place in this competition, but he has the luxury of having 10 pins removed for every hot dog that he eats. And as you can see below, the fans are SO HAPPY that it is the two of us who will be bowling!
This is bulletin board material, that's all. Thank you for the motivation, folks. I really appreciate you fueling me to kick this challenge in the butt. I know that I am not Big Cat, PFT, or Hank, but I will do what I have to do. Without further ado, here is my strategy to complete this challenge…
Strategy No. 1) The beginning of this task is all about lowering that target score. Obviously, a perfect 300 is close to impossible. In fact, CBS News reported that the odds of bowling a perfect game are 11,500 to 1. So with that being said, the main focus on Day 1 for me will be trying to eat as many hot dogs as possible. With the rule of "three games per hour" being in place, there is nothing that blocks me from using my right arm (I am a lefty) or simply kicking the ball down the lane. It is going to make for a PAINFULLY boring watch, but unless there are rule changes, I know that this is the correct strategy. The required 30 games per day is an insane amount, and there is simply no incentive to use my energy until that target score is greatly diminished.
Strategy No. 2) The eating portion of this challenge will definitely be the toughest. I think a realistic score for me to bowl is 150 (if I am not sore), which would mean 30 hot dogs. That's an insane number (especially as someone with a VERY sensitive stomach), so without diving into it much, I'm hoping to be able to eat at least one hot dog per hour for 10 hours. Is that possible? I have no idea. We'll see the type of dogs that we are working with, but I'm hoping it's doable. To help make this process easier, I reached out to a man who knows a thing or two about eating a lot of hot dogs in one sitting…
Fortunately, Joey Chestnut slid in my DM's and I was able to explain the situation to him…
I'll be honest, it's not great to hear the hot dog GOAT tell me that 30 is "a lot." Yes, it is for me, but that's a piece of cake for him. Hopefully he responds with some more words of advice as we get closer to the date.
Strategy No. 3) Practice, practice, practice. The basic summary of this challenge is that the better I am at bowling, the easier it will be. I have not bowled since February of 2020, and my highest score was a 175 last time out. We'll see if I consistently get around that number during my practice rounds, and then go from there. A few AWL's who are elite bowlers have reached out as well, so I am going to film some of my games and send to them for film review.
This is going to be very, very challenging. It will be a physical and mental battle. But when the time comes (date TBA), I will be ready. And the moment that I finish this task, it will be glorious.