Somebody Sign This Chimp To An MLB Contract Because He Has A Hose!!

Animals Around The Globe - A recent zoo incident involving a chimpanzee in southern China has gone viral on social media. A zoogoer was captured on video throwing a water bottle at a chimpanzee in his enclosure.

The Chimpanzee then picked it up and threw it back into the crowd precisely, hitting a woman in the face and allegedly causing her to have a bloody eyebrow and a broken phone screen. The video, taken by another zoo visitor on their phone, shows the Chimpanzee demonstrating impressive precision and understanding of its surroundings. 

The zoogoers were advised not to throw anything at the Chimpanzee because this specific Chimpanzee, named Diu Na Xing, is known for its habit of throwing rocks, mud, and other items toward the spectators, which is also the main attraction for many visitors. 

The incident caused shock and outrage online, which led to a statement from the zoo management stating that they would increase inspection and surveillance of the chimpanzee enclosure.

Get me this ape!

One thing about me you need to know if you don't already- Unless it's killing a member of my family, I will pretty much always be team animal in cases where it's animal vs. human. Just the way I'm built. Especially in cases where the human is clearly in the wrong by taunting or fucking with said animal. Such as this.

But real talk now, did you fucking see that crow hop and missile this troglodyte launched? Did you see the Cubs outfield last season? You're telling me you can't take a flyer on Dia Na Xing if you're Jed? 

MVP: Most Valuable Primate. Ever heard of it?

Or what about Ed?

Plus, have you seen how well Cubs jerseys sell with over-hyped, over-paid 2 year washouts sell at Clark St. Sports? Gold mine guys. 

This monkey, like all animals, doesn't belong in a cage for mouth breathers to point and gawk at while their little mouth-breather kids take selfies in front of. This guy belongs running on natural turf. Humming darts. 

p.s. - that's a half-full water bottle too. not the easiest thing to locate accurately. Dia Na Xing is a star I'm telling you.