Here's How The Houston Texans Should Put Their Nuts On The Table And Flip The 2023 NFL Draft On Its Head

Michael Hickey. Getty Images.

If you're wondering who that guy up there is, it's Houston Texans general manager Nick Caserio. This man holds the key to the entire 2023 NFL Draft, but unfortunately, I don't think he has the stomach to do what I'm proposing.

Let's be real. This franchise and organization in general has been in the shitter for quite some time. They've made two INCREDIBLY bad-faith, one-and-done hires at head coach with David Culley and Lovie Smith in recent years. Gotta respect Lovie playing to win in Week 18 to screw Caserio and Co. out of the No. 1 overall pick, too.

Then of course we all know about the Deshaun Watson disaster. Not anyone's fault but that guy's. Nevertheless, the whole weird Jack Easterby vibe of it all in Houston set the Texans back for many years. As did Bill O'Brien's failed attempt at playing head coach and GM at the same time.

Unfortunately, the Texans decided to bring in yet another Patriots castoff, who's been predictably cheap toward team building and not really taken many risks if we're being honest. There's a notion that Houston is absolutely selecting a quarterback with the No. 2 overall pick.

…And yet Caserio is painted as so risk-averse in Peter King's FMIA column that a QB may not even come to pass at No. 2 overall:

"2. Houston. Texans have to pick a quarterback. Or do they?

"We’re all operating under the belief the Texans will pick a quarterback that Carolina leaves for them. I’m 90 percent on board with that.

"The Texans also pick 12th. With that pick and two first-round picks next year, is it impossible to think they’d take the cleanest prospect in this draft, Alabama pass-rusher Will Anderson, at two and get their quarterback slightly lower, somewhere around the fourth pick or after? I think the Texans are going to go quarterback at two. But in the last few days, I’ve heard this about Houston GM Nick Caserio: Very conservative. If he doesn’t love a quarterback at two, he’s not going to force it. He’d rather take this year’s sure edge thing, Anderson, the way Detroit took Aidan Hutchinson with the second pick last year. Detroit got rewarded handsomely with a great rookie year from Hutchinson.

"It’s a stretch, but I could see Nick taking Anderson, then using his second [first-round pick] and trading back up to get his quarterback,' one league personnel man said."

OOOOOOH. The nugget at the end of King's blurb from that personnel guy, though.

Here's a fascinating scenario I came up with for the Texans — moving from 12 to 3 to make back-to-back picks and drop the mic on everyone:

Now look. Insert whichever QB you want in there. I ran through three similar mock simulations on Pro Football Focus, and for whatever it's worth, Bryce Young went first overall to Carolina in each one. There's a built-in history between C.J. Stroud's agent and the Texans, because that agent, David Mulugheta, also represents Deshaun Watson. What an unenviable task.

Anyway, there might be some bad blood. I don't know if that precludes the possibility of Houston selecting Stroud. It likely won't be a dealbreaker. I'm just going with the guy who I think has the most upside and keeping in the spirit of this blog title by going bold. That's Anthony Richardson.

If it makes you feel any better, Houston folk, I had y'all drafting Stroud anyway in my last league-wide mock draft:

…Whispers…Anthony Richardson is still QB1…

If you look at the trade the Texans make to get up to No. 3, it's comprised entirely of picks they've acquired from the Watson blockbuster or from other teams. I tried not to complicate things too much, but another move back in Round 2 netted them two additional picks in the third and fourth rounds.

You might be wondering why three EDGE prospects are off the board here. First of all, Bowling Green's Karl Brooks isn't exactly an EDGE guy. He's 300 pounds and can play there. I suspect he'll kick inside in the NFL. Lonnie Phelps is one of the most underrated pass-rushers in this class and could be a Day 3 steal.

Giving Richardson some weaponry is a good idea, too, especially when it comes to Houston's Nathaniel "Tank" Dell. He's very small but very good at creating separation, which Richardson's wideouts at Florida could seldom do. Then you give Richardson or whichever young QB a superb, athletic center in Ohio State's Luke Wypler and a potential future starter at right tackle or guard in Old Dominion sleeper Nick Saldiveri.

The main point of this whole thing is, can you imagine the pure excitement you'd generate by trading up to nab the second and third overall picks, and then not only getting your franchise QB, but also acquiring a phenomenal talent like Will Anderson Jr? The guy's production at Alabama was off-the-charts special, particularly in 2021.

Thirty-one tackles for loss, 17.5 sacks and 101 total tackles? As an EDGE player? What the actual fuck? Those are like cartoonish numbers. It's like when you're playing a video game and you have the settings to where you can get a full-sprint start before the ball is snapped.

Then you either have someone like this as the proper face of your franchise going forward:

Or someone like this:

Or this…

Come on, Nick Caserio. Prove to your fan base that the organization actually gives a shit. The power move it would be just on the sheer principle and face value of it all to own the second and third overall picks would be the most electric transaction in the history of the franchise. It's SO well within your reach. Just do it. 

…And don't you dare pass up on a QB and decide instead to roll with the first draft pick you ever made on the job in Davis Mills. Don't be that guy.

Twitter @MattFitz_gerald/TikTok