Best Of 2023 - Stop Taking Rides In The Horse Drawn Carriages Of New York City
At long last, spring has officially sprung in New York City. Last week we had a stretch of 80 degree, 0% cloud cover days, coaxing even the most solitary of hermits outside of their shells and $2,500, 500 square foot tombs into the blazing sunshine. The island of Manhattan gets an injection of energy when the thermometer blows past 75, a palpable buzz that draws its inhabitants outdoors to, as moths do, find the nearest flame. Burning the brightest, will always be Central Park.
I live on the Upper West Side now, a short trip over to the park. It's a wonderful place to walk a billion miles, lay in Sheep's Meadow to get some sun, grab a hot dog from a cart, pay 5 dollars for a regular sized Poland Spring water bottle - the works. I've always loved Central Park because it feels like you're in a snow globe while the city watches on. It's a city within the city, a total fishbowl scenario. In some areas of the park you can't even see the edges clearly, and you can forget all together that you're in the middle of THE Concrete Jungle Alicia Keys and Jay-Z told everyone about.
But…you know what you can see, no matter where you are?
The blatant, disgusting and downright inhumane treatment of the Central Park Horses.
I'm not talking about the horses that the NYPD ride around on, however I think that's disgusting too (that's a Napoleon complex we can deal with another day.) I'm talking about the horses who are chained to rickety, poorly constructed carriages and forced to drag overweight tourists around in circles, the scorching heat beating down on their backs for days at a time. And if they don't? If they get tired, from the weight, the heat or general exhaustion? Their "handlers" aren't happy. That's $100 they aren't able to be scamming off of some braindead, Midwest, pasty ass family at 2pm on a Saturday.
Sadly, the "carriage ride" motif has been glamorized and romanticized endlessly in movies and TV shows. What's so romantic about a bumpy ride in an uncomfortable carriage with a stranger driving, the smell of horse manure blowing directly into your face, I have no idea. I've NEVER subscribed to the "horse and carriage ride" romance agenda.
Shockingly, in 2013, Mayor-Elect Bill de Blasio (claims to have) felt the same way. Vowing to BAN carriage rides in the city on Day 1 of being in office, as a part of his campaign. In 2014, he began his term and obviously, this did not happen.
In 2021, after eight years of "a lot of talk" and "zero fucking results," De Blasio made one last effort:
The end is neigh for outgoing Mayor Bill de Blasio’s 11th-hour push to ban horse carriages from Central Park, City Council sources told The Post.
“I don’t see it coming together,” said one Council insider.
But de Blasio insisted Monday that he wants to end the “inhumane” practice, which he’d vowed to do when first taking office in 2014. The bid failed over concerns about 200 job loses in the industry.
“This is something we’re talking to the City Council about and it’s something, look I’ve believed for a long time the horse carriages just don’t make sense. They’re inhumane. It’s the 21st century for god-sakes,” he told reporters during his daily press briefing on Monday from City Hall.
“We’ll see if there’s something that can be done here and we’ll have an update soon,” de Blasio said.
It's easy to blame De Blasio for everything that happened in this city from 2014-2022. As I was moving into the city at almost the exact same time as his election, I was rooting for this massive change to happen. I've always hated him for not following through. 8+ years of going to the park, crying over the clear breakage of the horses' toes from walking on the hot concrete for years and years, all amounting to nothing. Of course, it's a lot more complicated than "stop using the horses," but why? What's the problem here? Why are politics involved where HUMANITY should be the priority? (I feel like we can apply this to a lot of scenarios, but we're focusing on the horses today. Baby steps.) Ultimately the bill was continuously shut down by the Unions who claimed these "bans" were blatant attempts at shutting down an immigrant workforce. There was a lot of fine print about pedicabs not being allowed in the park, which to me, doesn't make sense - if people want to put their own bodies under that kind of stress, so be it. But to lump that in with the abuse of animals? Equating one to the other? It leads us all to the question, "who's in your pocket?"
The Union workers who are worried about "all of the job loss" would always claim that De Blasio was on this crusade to satisfy his empty campaign promises to animal-rights advocates and supporters. There's not a doubt in my mind that his promises were in fact, empty, and all a ploy to gain political favor when he needed it most. Right before he was elected, and on the way out to save a shred of his own dignity. At the same time, the Transport Union Workers are just as fucking guilty in my eyes. Look at this quote given during an activist rally that had been organized after a FOURTEEN YEAR OLD HORSE collapsed in the street:
A spokesperson from Transport Workers Union Local 100, the union that represents horse-carriage drivers in New York City, originally claimed the horse tripped, and that it was able to walk itself to a trailer for transport. The union later told Gothamist the horse was suffering from equine protozoal myeloencephalitis, a neurological disease horses contract from eating infected possum dung. The New York Post reported eye witnesses saw the carriage driver repeatedly striking the collapsed horse and demanding it “get up.”
"So wait, Kelly, are you telling me that there are bad guys on both sides of the aisle when it comes to the shifty business of tourism in New York City? That neither group of grown adults can see past their greed and have any normal feelings whatsoever towards the abuse of animals in their very own streets?"
I sure am! And, guess what! It gets worse!
Ever wonder where these horses live? Hell's Kitchen. A stone's throw away from TIMES SQUARE. There are "barns" located on the upper floors of "Clinton Park Stables," a building on 53rd street and 11th avenue. If you've driven into the city and gone up the West Side Highway, you've been past it. These horses end their day of lugging around fat lards and getting whipped and yelled at by their drivers, only to lock it up for the night inside of a high rise. No grass to roam or graze, no "playtime," nothing.
"But Kelly, surely there has to be a REAL farm somewhere for these horses to take a day off!"
Sure, there is. There are a number of farms in Wallkill, NY, and the word on the street is that the city name is just as ominous as every trip a horse takes up there. The controversy behind this entire endeavor was spiked yet again when poor angel Ryder the horse died after collapsing in the streets of New York and taken up to "the farm" in Wallkill.
The horse had been losing weight, and a veterinarian suspected lymphoma, according to a spokeswoman for the carriage industry. He collapsed on the farm in Wallkill, in upstate New York, on Monday. He then suffered a seizure, and his new owner made the decision to euthanize him, the spokeswoman, Christina Hansen, said.
After this awful story came out, the lid really started to blow off this whole thing:
"Just weeks after a horse in New York City’s carriage trade collapsed and died in his stall, another horse collapsed yesterday and lay on Ninth Avenue for over an hour with no veterinary care while his driver reportedly slapped him, whipped him, and screamed at him to get up,” said Byrne. “The city’s horse-carriage trade has been plagued for years by complaints of mistreatment and overwork of horses, and PETA is calling on the NYPD Animal Cruelty Investigations Squad to launch a criminal investigation into this incident.”
As for "days off?" The Central Park Carriages website states that their horses get 2 physicals a year, and 5 weeks off a year. Wow! A month and change where these horses get act like…horses. Don't think about the other 47 weeks, where they're trudging through the heat or the snow for photo opportunities, surrounded by loud, jarring nosies and endless confusion…just get those proposal pics off!!!
"Honestly Kelly, you're starting to sound so stupid right now. Do you know ANYTHING about horses? They're SO STRONG! They're resilient! They were the main mode of transportation in the 1800-1900s!"
Oh? And what was the average height and weight of a human being in 1815?
About, 5'6, 140 pounds. Cool! What about today?
Right.
"Lol yea but Kelly, horses can carry up to 1.5x their weight. Some can even pull TRAIN CARS! That's just a fact."
Sure, that's a fact, horses are strong. I read all of these other facts on Horse Rookie dot com, one of the FIRST results when you search "how much weight can a horse carry," on google, courtesy of Susie W's expertise:
There’s a reason we use the phrase “work horse” in to describe strong, industrious people. We’ve long relied on horses for the strength and power we lack for certain tasks. Whether they were clearing forests, ploughing fields, or transporting people and things, horses have more than pulled their weight (ha) in world history.
Horses can typically pull about 1/10 of their body weight in “dead weight,” such as a plow or fallen log. If you add wheels to the load (e.g. put a log on a cart), an average horse can then pull 1.5 times its body weight over a longer distance. For shorter distances, this number may go up considerably—six times the horse’s body weight, or even more, depending on the breed.
Wait a second….enhance:
What's this all about?? I was just learning facts about horses!
NOT LEGAL, HEALTH, TRAINING, OR FINANCIAL ADVICE.
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Solid. The fifth link down on Google that gives horse information is from a couple of Joe Blow's who contribute to "Horse and Buggie culture." The first four links are all from the Charleston, South Carolina Horse/Carriage websites, mind you. Do we, as New York City, want to be like Charleston, South Carolina, one of the most backwards cities in the country?
So, to break it down:
1. Misinformation is everywhere about what exactly horses can do in terms of transporting human beings and carraiges over an extended period of time in the year 2023, safely and without abuse.
2. Bill de Blasio is a scumbag for pulling at the heartstrings of New Yorkers who care about animals more than "picturesque moments" for people that don't even live here, for political gain.
3. Carriage drivers are shady and only care about making their money, even if it means publicly abusing a horse in front of a street full of people to get it working again.
4. It doesn't sound like there is ever going to be a solution from either side of the political aisle, because god forbid anyone thinks with their brain before their fucking wallet.
Like most things in the world, simple acts are ruined by politics. You're abusing animals? Stop. It should be that simple. We shouldn't have to worry about somebody getting elected, or other people making money. There are a lot of ways to make money. We can retire this one.
ALTERNATIVES
Pedicabs
- Like I said, if you want to watch a human being sweat to death on a bicycle, be my guest.
Just Fucking Walk
- Stretch your legs. Get your orthopedic sneakers on. If you can't walk a mile around Central Park without collapsing, what makes you think a Horse has it any easier?
To be clear, I feel this way only about horse/carriage rides in cities. I understand horses are powerful animals and in most circles (horse racing, ownership, competing, etc) the horses are VERY well taken care of. I'm telling you that the horses in cities, are factually, not.
One day in the future, I will finally write my Central Park Horse Movie. I've been teasing it for a decade, maybe longer. It will be an animated movie that features a "New" horse protagonist coming to work at Central Park, thinking he's lucked out on the deal of a lifetime. A City Horse! How cool! He's thrown into this new "family," complete with a love interest that needs protecting, a goofy but sad best friend, and an old War Horse (literally.) Eventually, with the help of a "good" driver and a slew of NYC themed animal friends (rats, pigeons, etc), they work to expose the injustices in the park that are discovered throughout the movie and they all live happily ever after.
I don't want to give away the whole movie but, I hope by the time I get it all down, we'll be much further along in our quest to stifle all of this disgusting behavior. Maybe it will be what finally stops it all for good. In the meantime, I beg anyone who reads this manifesto to NEVER take a carriage ride again. Tell your friends. Tell your family. It's fucking gross. I might even start getting so crazy as to commenting on photos of people on horse/carriage rides on Instagram. Teach all of these lobotomized morons a lesson.
Oh, and after we save the horses in NYC? Charleston, SC is going down.