An Idiot's Guide To Scandoval From A Guy Who Read About It Last Night

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Alrighty boys. I felt someone had to write this blog after just how absurdly popular this Scandoval thing has gotten. It's all I see. It's more popular than the Beatles in the 60's. It's more popular than Leo after Titanic. It's more popular than Peter Parker after he was revealed as Spider-Man. It is quite literally ALL I have seen on the internet for weeks now and I'm confident there's a whole bunch of other folks out there dealing with the same conundrum as myself. I'm a simple man. I hate feeling left out of things and not being in the know. So last night during the final reunion episode I finally broke, WHAT EXACTLY IS SCANDOVAL? So here's an idiots guide to Scandoval by a guy who learned about it 14 hours ago.

So all of this began on Vanderpump Rules which I'm sure most of us know is a show on Bravo. Lisa Vanderpump was originally a cast member on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills then she was given a spin-off about her restaurant in LA and the staff that runs it which is where these folks come in. Tom Sandoval is an original cast member while Ariana Madix, his future girlfriend, joined in season 2 as a recurring cast member before joining full time the next year. Raquel Leviss joined the show as a dude named DJ (I'd assume that means he's the house DJ at SUR) James Kennedy's girlfriend in Season 5, then recurring next year, then cast regular by season 9. As you can tell….THEY ALL INTER-MINGLE.

Now for exactly what Scandoval is! Tom Sandoval and Ariana Madix dated for 9 years! They have obviously been on the show together, even bought a HOUSE together, THE WHOLE NINE! Seemingly as close to marriage as a couple could get. Later on Ms. Leviss and Ms. Madix got very close, one could even call them "besties"?!?! Then next thing you know after Tom and Ariana are in deep in this relationship and Ariana's now very close with Raquel it is revealed the Raquel and Tom are 7 months in on an affair a lá JFK & Marilyn which rightfully so has set the internet on FIRE.

And for some back story as well Sandoval was dating another original cast member named Kristen Doute though their relationship didn't last past Season 3 because TOM FOOLED AROUND WITH ARIANA while in a relationship with Kristen! That's rough. That's real tough. Then on the other side with this James Kennedy guy and Raquel- he wound up proposing to her while Tom was one of his best buds. This Tom fucker even set up the proposal with him apparently and split the $25k bill with him cause he ONCE AGAIN APPARENTLY loves making people so happy! 

Though as that engagement didn't last too long Raquel then became best buds with Ariana and (clearly) with Tom and low and behold….SCANDOVAL began. Luckily our guy Quigs was clipping the reunion last night so I'll include some clips here for content.

 Here's Ariana absolutely going OFF on Raquel. The request to fuck herself with a cheese grater is cold blooded. Respect.

"I KNOW YOU LIKE HARRY POTTER!!!!" What a line spoken with literal disgust from Ariana.

Here we have Tom who, I always pride myself on figuring out if a person is an asshole or not just by their looks/instagram account, looks like THE biggest asshole on the planet here. He makes Johnny Fairplay look like Mr. Rogers…and this comment just backs that up. You're gonna judge a girl that you've been with for 9 years for wearing a shirt during sex? C'mon dude.

Here's James Kennedy requesting a trip to the poo poo house. I get that.

Finally we have Raquel SOBBING about the whole scenario. She was banging Sandoval while Ariana left for a her Grandma's fucking funeral!

SCANDOVAL INDEED! Hope that helped you guys learn more about the Scandoval…if not…I'm sorry.