Someone Stole A 300-Pound Cannon In Philadelphia, So I'm Sure There's Nothing To Worry About There
Mark Newman. Getty Images.6abc -- A cannon was stolen from historic Fort Mifflin sometime in early June, and now Philadelphia police are investigating.
The 300-pound replica signal cannon was taken from its spot on the wall surrounding the fort in South Philadelphia…The cannon does work and it is potentially dangerous. Surveillance video didn't capture the theft.
In most cases, it would be pretty safe to assume the main purpose for stealing a 300-pound replica cannon would be to turn around and sell it to some collectors. I don't think that's the case in Philadelphia. If somebody is going through the hassle here of stealing a cannon, you have to assume they are fully intending on using it.
I was sort of dancing around this idea yesterday, but the city of Philadelphia isn't exactly in the greatest head space right now. We've lost 3 championships in a row, and now are highways are snapping in half. Traffic getting in and out of the city is going to be completely fucked for months, if not years. Everything is building up for an ultimate villain origin story to come out of all of this, and I wouldn't be shocked if stealing a 300-pound cannon was a part of that.
It's only a matter of time before we see a headline about a man getting shot by a cannon because he moved the plastic chair someone in South Philly was using to save their parking spot. So just keep your heads on a swivel this summer in Philly, and try your best not to piss anyone off. You never know who is rolling around with a 300-pound replica cannon out there.
Sidenote: The past 365 days has given at least 6 more seasons worth of episode ideas for It's Always Sunny.