In Honor Of The iPhone's 16th Anniversary Here Are The Undisputed Top 16 iPhone Apps Of All-Time
Justin Sullivan. Getty Images.Happy sweet 16 iPhone. You're now old enough to steal some beer from your dad, sneak out of the house, and go make out with a Firestick in the park. Just remember to use protection if things get a little too frisky. You don't want any green bubble babies your family will be ashamed of.
Speaking of green bubbles, this blog obviously is not for you Android poors. So save your comments about how you have superior customization and privacy and that every feature comes out on your phone years before the iPhone. All that might be true but at least we don't have hideous green bubbles that immediately signify we are from a lower class of people.
You enjoy all that and we'll enjoy being able to easily leave a group text after our buddy sends a pic of us making out with a big girl at the bar with the Echo effect.
Anyway, where would we be without apps? Probably a much nicer, more productive, more patient society, but also way more lame. Remember when Snake was like the only app on Earth? Damn life sucked back then.
So in honor of iPhone's 16th anniversary let's rank the top 16 iPhone apps of all-time:
1. Twitter
Twitter is simultaneously the best and world thing to happen to man kind. Some of the funniest moments in internet history happened on Twitter but also nothing brings out the worst in us like anonymity on the bird app.
Elon Musk is still trying to push this bullshit narrative of Twitter being some kind of internet town square. And maybe he's right, if the town square if filled with angry people throwing piles of shit at other angry people while the rest of us laugh and make memes about it on the sidelines.
2. Barstool Sports
This one was a no-brainer and not just because I would like for my contract here to continue. Barstool changed the sports/entertainment media landscape for the better. It's just a fact.
While the rest of the world was being pulled down the PC drain and having all the funny sucked out of our daily lives, the original Barstool crew fought back by making crude jokes and stupid videos. Aka doing God's work.
And where else can you find Frank the Tank burning ribs right next to Donny scaling the world's tallest mountain? VIVA.
3. Waze
If you aren't hip Waze it tells you where cops are, when there are hazards on the road, and for some reason where every Dunkin' Donuts on earth is located. Waze is an absolute must for long road trips.
Unfortunately, using it in the city is kind of janky and you are better off letting it run in the background behind another maps app. Plus, you can change your navigation voice to Vlade Divac, which is objectively hilarious. Who wouldn't want a sweaty, chain smoking foreign man as their navigator?
4. Barstool Sportsbook
This one is obvious. Place all your bets on here, responsibly. This would be ranked higher but you still can't gamble on sports in every state because government is a ruse and doesn't truly work for the people.
5. Instagram
The original place to horny scroll for hours. Without Instagram there would be no IG models and Zion Williamson would probably have way less of a headache on his hands.
IG acts as a catalog for rich dudes to find chicks to fly out and bang. It also acts as a catalog for poor to show them just how awful their looks and life really are. Thanks for all the depression and anxiety, Instagram!
6. Tinder
Tinder might be passé now but it was basically the Allen Iverson of dating apps. It completely changed the game and how we view it forever. Tinder ushered in an era of freewheeling sex the world hadnt seen since the hippies back in the 70s. Only this time it came with tons of ass eating.
If you were lucky enough to be single and semi-good looking in the first wave of Tinder you probably have a ton of great stories…and an STD.
7. Photo Vault
Maybe the most important app of the last 16 years is the photo vault. It's where dudes keep their side chick's nudes and where chicks keep their nudes they send to dudes who swear they aren't their side chick.
There is a 100% chance all those nudes are being stolen by whatever company makes this app but at least your mom won't see your butthole if she gets a little antsy and swipes right while looking at your pics from vacation.
8. Face Swap
Nothing hits harder in a group text than a well timed face swap. Face swapping your buddy and his wife so everyone can laugh at how they basically look like brother and sister. Face swapping your buddy onto a homeless guy shitting on the side of road. They all play.
We like to face swap our buddies faces into really messed up porn scenes. My hope is that one day their wife finds one of those and wonders when he could have possible been at a Mexican donkey show with a Donald Trump lookalike. Good luck explaining that one, Kev.
9. Uber
How the fuck did we all get home from the bar before Uber? I'm seriously asking because I can't remember. Was it just bumper cars of drunk people every night at 2:30am?
Uber is a pain in the ass but I'll be damned if it isnt the most clutch app of all time. Even if I have to get picked up by a weird man who smells like hot dog water and won't stop telling me about his pet monkey, at least I'm getting home safe.
10. Tiktok
Easily the most divisive app on the list, there is no denying TikTok's cultural relevance. Sure we may have traded away all our privacy and national security to China in exchange for young dudes dancing with their shirts off and young chicks twerking. But what else could distract us for hours at work without learning a single valuable piece of information?
Without TikTok there would be no Brianna Chickenfry, Livvy Dunne, JackMac, weird recipes made just to piss you off, strangly erotic Mormon influencer wives, or the Tidepod challenge.
Did we need any of these things? No. But do we love all these things? Also, no. But it does give us something to watch while we take a shit.
The six that just missed…
11. Spotify
12. Snapchat
13. Youtube
14. Vine
15. Flappy Bird
16. Amazon
Follow me @WillBurge for more lists that I pull out of my ass