Michael Jordan Is Competing In A Fishing Competition This Weekend And His $8 Million 84-Foot Elephant Print Boat Is Insane

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome aboard the Catch 23. Where baggy carpenter jeans and oversized dress shirts are the required attire. Where everything in gambled on and if you don't have a cigar in your mouth then you might get tossed overboard like they did Puss after he got whacked in the Sopranos.

Imagine entering in the White Marlin Open and getting up bright and early ready to attack the day. You have your rods and bait ready, feeling good, and then you look over and see Michael Fucking Jordan manning a giant basketball shoe looking boat to your starboard side. You have to know immediately you are screwed. No chance Jordan is letting you win. 

I bet you MJ read something online one time that said his dad sleeps with the fishes. Now no one else on earth gets to win a fishing competition with $10 Million in prize money. That Jordan guy doesn't forget a perceived slight. 

I bet MJ is just as much of a bastard on the open seas as he is on the court.

Anyway, what a baller ass move to wrap this thing in elephant print like it's a retro Air Jordan 3. An absolute masterclass in perfectly balancing cool and tacky at the same time.

This isn't the only luxury vehicle MJ has wrapped in elephant print, however. He also has $60 Million private jet with the same styling.

I'm not sure which is cooler, the cigar station or the tail number. If there is one thing Jordan is going to do is he is going to remind you that he is the greatest basketball player of all time and you're not.

To me the elephant print plays better on the boat, but then again what the hell do I know. I fly Spirit to save $75 and then bitch every single time my flight is delayed. Jordan on the other hand just loads up his private jet with all his buddies, his son, and Scottie Pippin's ex-wife and off they go into the clouds.

Good luck to everyone else in the White Marlin Open this weekend. You're all fishing for second place.