Dave Portnoy and John Rich Shine on Fox Business

What an enormous week for Barstool. We went from being stuck underneath thumb of big gambling legislation, to underneath the thumb of a multi-millionaire business mogul who thrives off publicly humiliating his employees. 

Luckily for me I escaped Dave's wrath. Being the hardworking employee I am, I showed up to work while most American's were still asleep at the crack of 9:30am. It's important to get to work early to do Immaculate Grids for 2 hours. Clearly my hard work paid off, as I was rewarded with my first ever network television appearance on Fox Business Live.

Dave Portnoy, Kim Kardashian, Kanye West, Taylor Swift, One Bite Pizza Festival (tickets on sale now), Logan Paul, John Rich. All in a single segment. For those keeping score at home:

Fox News Appearances in 2023
Dave Portnoy - multiple
John Rich - 1
Francis Ellis - 0

But enough sucking my own dick while my boss' dick remains dry. Watching Dave on Fox News when he's in a good mood is the most wholesome content there is. It shouldn't matter what you think of their politics, the Dave interviews are just good wholesome fun. Stuart Varney and his counterpart on Dave's left are positively smitten. Varney is beaming for the entirety of the interview. He legitimately can't stop giggling. On top of that, Dave himself could not have scripted a more perfect series of interview "questions" for a Dave Portnoy victory lap. 

You're so rich! What's your net worth?

Your employees are pretty dumb right?

What do you hate about Kim Kardashian?

You're going to sell out the pizza festival?

You are a genius!

You're not fat at all!

VIVA!

The biggest softball interview of all time. You love to see it. Fun times over here at Barstool Sports. I can't wait until I fuck something up and it all goes to shit for me. It's bound to happen any day now.