Censorship Has Finally Gone Too Far: Queen's 'Fat Bottomed Girls' is Cut from Their Greatest Hits Collection

Art is, by its very nature, subjective. What it means to you isn't necessarily what it means to him or her or me. I marvel at Norman Rockwell paintings, but the experts think they're kitschy crap and Andy Warhol's Campbell's soup cans are genius. Oscar voters have zero interest in the comedies I like, but fell all over themselves to throw awards to that fish sex movie that should've been called Fucking Nemo. How people respond to an artist's creative expression is as varied as we as individuals are. 

But there are artistic creations that are universal. Capable of touching everyone who experiences them in a positive way, regardless of who is blessed to bear witness to them. And one of those is Queen's epic, "Fat Bottomed Girls." One of the greatest achievements in the history of humans making music:

As the kids say, this song is a banger. Of the highest order.

Oh you gonna take me home tonight
Oh down beside that red firelight
Oh you gonna let it all hang out
Fat-bottomed girls, you make the rocking world go 'round

Hey, I was just a skinny lad
Never knew no good from bad
But I knew life before I left my nursery (huh)
Left alone with big fat Fanny
She was such a naughty nanny
Heap big woman, you made a bad boy out of me

Hey, hey! 

I've been singing with my band
'Cross the water, 'cross the land
I've seen every blue-eyed floozy on the way (hey)
But their beauty and their style
Went kind of smooth after a while
Take me to them dirty ladies every time

C'mon!

Oh, won't you take me home tonight?
Oh, down beside your red firelight
Oh, and you give it all you got
Fat-bottomed girls, you make the rocking world go 'round
Fat-bottomed girls, you make the rocking world go 'round

Hey, listen here
Now I got mortgages and homes
I got stiffness in the bones
Ain't no beauty queens in this locality (I tell you)
Oh, but I still get my pleasure
Still got my greatest treasure
Heap big woman you done made a big man of me (now get this)

Oh (I know), you gonna take me home tonight (please)
Oh, down beside that red firelight
Oh, you gonna let it all hang out
Fat-bottomed girls, you make the rocking world go 'round (yeah)
Fat-bottomed girls, you make the rocking world go 'round

Get on your bikes and ride

Ooh, yeah, oh, yeah, them fat-bottomed girls
Fat-bottomed girls, yeah, yeah, yeah
Alright
Ride 'em come on
Fat-bottomed girls
Yes, yes, right

Never before or since has a man's coming-of-age story and his appreciation for the posteriors of large women been so perfectly expressed. Though many have tried. This formerly skinny lad tells the tale of being ushered into manhood by his beloved Fanny the nanny and how she not only made him into a bad boy, but taught him the true joy that can only  come from loving a dirty lady. 

Speaking personally, as someone who was also once a skinny lad but who now suffers from mortgages, homes and stiffness in the bones, the universal themes expressed here have always resonated with me. This is a man on a hero's journey, like a character out of Joseph Campbell's monomyth. And leaves no doubt about who and what makes his rockin' world go 'round. And it's not blue-eyed floozies. It's profoundly beautiful. 

At least it was. For over four decades, this tale resonated with all it touched. But now it's being silenced. Sacrificed on the altar of not offending the professional Easily Offended class:

Daily Mail - It is one of Queen's best-loved songs but Fat Bottomed Girls has been mysteriously dropped from the group's new Greatest Hits collection.

The 1978 track, which was written by guitarist Brian May has … been hit by the woke cancel culture.

It was such a popular hit for Queen that it appeared fourth on the band's original 1981 greatest hits album along with Bohemian Rhapsody, Don't Stop Me Now and We Will Rock You.

But last week it was nowhere to be seen when Universal Records announced they would be releasing a version of the record on Yoto, the new audio platform aimed at young people.

The move has left music industry insiders bemused, with bosses insisting that Fat Bottomed Girls has wrongly been singled out as it is 'merely a bit of fun'.

One told The Mail on Sunday: 'It is the talk of the music industry, nobody can work out why such a good-natured, fun song can't be acceptable in today's society.

'It is woke gone mad. Why not appreciate people of all shapes and sizes like society is saying we should, rather than get rid of it. 

It's outrageous.' 

Outrageous is exactly the word for this. Lewd. Lascivious. Salacious. Outrageous. It's censorship of the worst kind. The kind of thing they did all the time in the Soviet Union, but we used to think would never happen here in the once freedom-loving West. 

Now that it's been decided that celebrating the bottom half of the large female form is unacceptable to modern audiences, where does it end? Art galleries are filled with the curvy nudes of Peter Paul Rubens. Are they going to send someone around with paints and brushes to put clothes on them or make them thin? What about all the plus-size models being featured in magazines and print ads? Are those off limits now too? 

They came for Lizzo, and I said nothing, for I was not Lizzo. They came for Queen. And again I said nothing, for I was not Queen. And by the time they came for Sir Mix-a-Lot, there was no one left to speak up.

I don't know who exactly is responsible for this, the younger generation that is so emotionally fragile that they can't survive an encounter with a classic that has entertained billions, or the generation that raised them to be this way and is now catering to their every whim. I suspect it's a lot of both. But whoever is to blame: Thanks for ruining everything. Queen and their Fat Bottomed Girls made the rockin' world go 'round. Quit trying to make it stop.