Kirk Cousins Admitting He's Getting Rid Of His Unreal Mustache Is Exactly Why You Can Never Trust Him To Win An Important Game

Hey, Kirk, what the fuck man? You won everyone over with your series on Quarterback. You won everyone over by rocking the chains and dancing. Now you show up looking like a brand new man with this awesome mustache and you say you're going to cut it off? This is why you don't win outside of 1pm. You can't trust a man who looks himself in the mirror, sees he looks great and then decides nah, that's enough of it.

I love that Kirk wears, well, basically what I and every other suburban dad in our late 30s wears. Just a solid plaid shirt that you got on sale because you're 'watching money' due to day care being so goddamn expensive. Some of us know we are facial hair guys - we know who and why. Okay, back on track. But you can't have all of Twitter sucking your dick for going with the handlebar mustache and say you're going to shave it off before the regular season.

If he kept it, I'd have bought all the way in on the Vikings. By that I mean, they make the playoffs before losing in horrific fashion because that's what the Vikings franchise does. You extended Mustache Monday into Mustache week. You admit you're going to own it for an appearance tomorrow, just keep it man! 

14 minute mark

So close to greatness, Kirk. So close.