Brian Urlacher Just Came Out Of Nowhere And Dunked On Me For No Reason

Was taking a shit this afternoon, so obviously I was scrolling through IG. After successfully scrolling back to about June of 2017 on some random IG thots profile, I decided to check my notis tab and get the latest hubbub on whatever hubbub could be there. 

That's when I see this comment: 

I wondered what that question was all about and curiously clicked on it. 

On arrival, I see a dude I grew up completely idolizing just dismantling my hair: 

What in the fuck is this all about??? 

Actually, I don't care. Roast away. I'm better than him at….stuff. I think. Probably not. 

Yeah, I'm not better than him at anything. He can still fuck off though. Briggs was better anyways and my hair is luscious and nobody knows that better than Urlacher himself, as he gave me a hair consultation back in March in AZ: 

Just kidding. My hair is an abomination to the lord and savior, Jesus Christ. Speaking of Jesus Christ, nobody can save my hair. Not Jesus, not Allah, not even L. Ron. 

Maybe his colleagues at Restore could though. Just saying HINT HINT

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