Do We Think Lions Head Coach Dan Campbell is Still Drinking The Caffeine Equivalent Of 10 Red Bulls Every Day?

Note: This is an old video, but it's the first I've seen of it. To be honest I thought it was new so I wrote the blog, then Chris Castellani texted me to let me know it's from 2021. But I already wrote it. So just change up the title and make few sentences past tense to make it seem like I knew it was an old story the whole time and BAM there's a blog.

God damnit, Dan. Are you still doing this? I always wondered how he was able to have such psychotic levels of energy on a consistent basis. Turns out it's because he's been drinking enough caffeine to roll his face off for 12 hours a day.

In 7th grade I went bowling with some friends and this kid named Kenny Leech drank 4 Red Bulls. I can still remember watching his left eye twitch like fucking crazy when he looked at me.

Don't be Kenny Leech. That's not healthy, Dan. You're 47 years old. You played in the NFL. Your body has been through some shit. You have to start taking care of yourself in your old(er) age. Could I interest you in something called Adderall? Instead of guzzling 48 ounces of dark liquid that'll make your piss dark brown for the foreseeable future, just do drugs like an adult. It's just one little pill full of tiny time release beads. They come in different sizes. Eat one of those in the morning with a glass of water and you're good to go. I promise it'll be nicer on your stomach, and I'm pretty sure it's an overall healthier option. Shit, I think popping a molly might be healthier than taking down that much caffeine.

But in fairness, if he's been doing this for the last 2 years, the Lions have done nothing but improve. So you might not want to mess with the status quo. If you've been guzzling 10 Red Bulls worth of caffeine every morning for god knows how long, you'll probably die young, but if it makes you win more games then maybe that's worth it. Everyone in the NFL sacrifices years off their life in the name of winning. Normally it comes in the form of repeated traumatic CTE causing head injuries. But it looks like Dan Campbell is going the Urban Meyer heart attack route. To each their own. That coffee order (which I totally knew about before today) really does explain everything about him.