The State Of California Has Waged War On Skittles

California will officially ban Skittles and other candies from the state starting 2027 as Governor Gavin Newsom signed bill AB 418, also known as The California Food Safety Act. 

The bill targets food products that contain the substances brominated vegetable oil, potassium bromate, propylparaben or red dye 3. Red dye 3 is found in Skittles and other confectionaries like PEZ, Hot Tamales and Dubble Bubble gum, while brominated vegetable oil is normally concocted in citrus soft drinks.

I wish I had the balls to just run with the headline “California Bans Skittles, “ but I would technically be incorrect. It was announced today that California, while not banning certain candies, is forcing manufacturers to remove certain additives that make candy tasty. It appears that the biggest victim in this entire ordeal will be Skittles, so you can kiss the original rainbow goodbye.

I don’t want to get political here because I don’t want to give myself a headache, but don’t we have more important things to focus on? I understand that it’s a health and safety thing, and we want to try to curb the obesity epidemic in this country. But I feel like there are more productive ways to do that. Even though the intention may come from a good place, optically, you have to know that people like me will just run with the idea that entire state is banning Skittles. Taste the rainbow? Nah, more like ban the rainbow. 

I’m not going to act like there isn’t something of a health crisis in this country, but I would also argue that’s who we are. If you want to shove your face with a piece of greasy chicken that has two donuts attached to it, you can do that. Cigarettes are horrible for you, but you can still smoke them. Having certain laws banning cigarettes makes sense. Those things are legitimately harmful not just for you but for other people. But skittles? FUCKING SKITTLES. Are we going to start arresting people for selling original Skittles on the black market now? 

I sometimes get criticized for my endless cynicism, but reading a headline like this makes me think that we are beginning to live in the world of “Idiocracy.” Will this lead to four years of people hoarding OG Skittles and ensuring a lifetime supply before things change? I mean, we had people hoarding toilet paper during the pandemic. Skittles is probably the next step. What a world.