Fresh From Jail for Non-Payment of Child Support, Antonio Brown Posts His Hot Take on Child Support. And it's a New Low, Even for Him.

As any lawyer worth the rate they charge for their billable hours will tell you, when you get arrested like Antonio Brown did a while back:

… the best thing your defense has going for it is your right to remain silent. Say nothing to anyone. Not the police. Not your cellmates. Not the judge at your arraignment. And when you get released, don't say anything to your friends, your family, and certainly not to anyone involved in your case. What you don't say can't be held against you. 

But as Shrek told Donkey, "You have the right to remain silent. What you lack is the capacity." And Donkey had much, much better judgment on his worst day that AB has ever shown on his best day. So here's how he chose to handle his terms and conditions of release. Not to his buddies or family or anyone left who still cares about him. But to his 1.6 million followers:

Good one, AB! Some of your best work since getting your feet frostbitten, tearing off your jersey and dipping out Met Life in the middle of a game, trying to act like you were sleeping with the wife of the quarterback who took you into his home and won you a ring, and putting an Arena team out of business by stealing from your players and coaches!

And you're right! Fuck child support! Having to pay for your kids is the pits! Just because you barebacked a fertile woman of childbearing age back in 2007-08 doesn't mean it's up to you to help put food on the kid's plate or clothes on her back! Five minutes of pleasure wasn't supposed to turn into years of paying money! Just because the guys who are still with the mother of their children pay for them every minute of every day doesn't mean you have to! Can't a guy just blow off his moral, ethical and legal responsibilities and go live his best life? 

After all, the daughter is 15 now. She's had plenty of time to go make her own $31,000. How long does she plan on mooching off a fella, just because half her DNA came from him? It's high time she goes and stands on her own two feet. Or, we let somebody else take care of her so Brown can spend that money where he should: On some other thing.

So back off, kid. Let your father life a consequence free life with no repercussions for his actions. And why don't you quit chasing him down in his Steelers uniform, Mom? Who are you, Ed Reed? Knock off grabbing all his stacks of cartoon hundreds and get your child support from someone who didn't get laid in the deal. Some other sap who didn't put 10ccs of liquid dream-killer into you back in the aughts. And to the rest of humanity, once and for all let's stop expecting the poor, unfortunate soul that is Antonio Brown to act like an adult human being. That is just too big an ask. 

Anyway, best wishes on your next weekend in jail, deadbeat.