Some Lunatic Jumped Into The EPCOT Lagoon At Disney World Over An Apparent $60,000 Bet

First off, let me start the blog saying that my take on all this varies greatly depending on what actually happened. If this mamaluke actually did walk away from the Epcot lagoon with an extra $60,000 in his Venmo in exchange for a brief swim and some wet socks, I can live with it since I guarantee people in Florida have done MUCH MUCH MUCHHHHHHHH WORSE for MUCH LESS. But if this mamaluke jumped into the EPCOT lagoon then had it posted with a fake bet for likes, clout, and internet points, he is (to quote my boss) an idiot. A fucking idiot.

In fact, anybody that jumps into any body of water in the great state of Florida without being able to see the bottom is actually dumber than an idiot. I don't know if that makes them a moron, a dummy, a fool, or all of the above. But it does make them potential gator bait and is the quickest way to lose a limb if not your life as Captain James Hook can attest.

Not only are you potentially becoming a meal for a living dinosaur, but you are also likely fucking over yourself and your family for life. You see, I think of Mickey Mouse as a real life Terry Benedict. That motherfucker has eyes and mouse ears everywhere in his parks to make sure nobody gets out of line. If you do, he will make sure you aren't walking through those magical gates ever again and I bet he has cutting edge secruity and AI that will keep everybody you love out of all Disney parks for generations.

Besides, nobody gives a fuuuuuuuuck about the EPCOT lagoon. If you are going to do jump into a body of water at Disney, at least to a plunge into the water surrounding Cinderella's Castle since that's an iconic spot at an iconic park. EPCOT's lagoon is just an oversized swamp at the nerdy park (outside of the Guardians ride, which fucking ruled even though Portnoy and Robbie may disagree).

Again, if the value of your life and your family's ability to pay The Mouse a month's mortgage to go on some rollercoasters is less than $60,000, diving into the EPCOT lagoon is well worth it (as long as he actually got paid). But there is not an amount of money in the world I would accept to drink the water at It's A Small World because I imagine the best case scenario of doing that is what happened to Lisa Simpson at Duff Gardens.

P.S. Shout out the #DisneyBoys always and forever.