Drive-By Inflatable Santa Shooters At Large In Kentucky, "If They've Done Just One, They'll Probably Do Several"

The Independent - A Kentucky resident is furious after his inflatable Santa decoration was downed in an apparent drive-by shooting.

Donald Nelson had just finished putting up Christmas decorations outside his family home in Lexington days earlier –including a brand new $200 giant inflatable Father Christmas for the front yard.

Yet the family’s holiday cheer was suddenly deflated when they found the inflatable flat on the ground one evening with a large hole in it, WLEX reported.

Mr Nelson told the outlet that he and his wife had been sitting on the couch at around 8.15pm, when they heard a “small bang” outside.

When he went outside to investigate, he found saw his new Santa lying on the ground.

I never do politics on the blog. That's what you say here at Barstool when you're about to say something political. But gun control laws in this country need to change. Now that Christmas decor is at risk, things have officially gone to far. 

Kentucky loves 3 things. Fried chicken, John Calipari, and giant trashy inflatable Christmas decorations. Unlike John Calipari's job (despite constantly underachieving year after year), I regret to inform you that Kentucky's giant trashy inflatable Christmas decorations are at risk.

Now in case you thought this was a just an isolated incident. Or that maybe the target of the drive-by shooting was something less sinister (like Mr. Nelson's home or family), think again. Mr. Nelson knows damn well that this is something far worse. This shooting marks the first of what is sure to be many coordinated attacks on front yard inflatables across the state.

Luckily, Mr Nelson said he has some friendly neighbours who will sew Santa up again so he can return to his position in the front yard – but he said he fears that the apparent shootings could happen again. 

“There are multiple neighbours that have inflatables too, and I mean certainly they could be targeted as well,” he told the outlet.

“If they’ve done just one, they’ll probably do several.”

That's right Mr. Nelson. If they've done one, they'll most certainly do several. Try to imagine a Christmas in Kentucky without inflatable Santa's, or snowmen. This is what we have to lose people. 

steverts. Getty Images.

Shutterstock Images.

Giant trashy inflatable Christmas decorations aren't cheap. As Mr. Nelson said, his now-deflated Santa Claus that was murdered in cold-blood by a gang of armed Grinch's cost him $200. That's 3 months rent in Kentucky. And you can't put a price on the spirit of Christmas. Keep in mind, it doesn't snow much there. Without decorations, you would barely even know what season it is. Not to mention, how else will families direct their loved ones to their homes for Christmas dinner? If they can't say, "Hang a left at the blowup Snoopy, then pass 3 snowmen families and I live at the inflatable Santa on right." they're never going to find the place. It's not like they're literate. 

I'm sorry, I'm making too many Kentucky jokes. I got carried away and started calling the whole state poor and dumb. That was low-hanging fruit, and quite frankly uncalled for. I don't really believe that. The northern part of your state that's basically just an extension of Cincinnati is actually kind of nice. 

Anyways, I'm losing the point of this blog. There is a gang of evil Kentuckians who have set out to assassinate inflatable front yard decorations across the entire state. There's a war on Christmas. What are you going to do about it Joe Biden?