Live EventJon Gruden and Dave Portnoy Join Max and PFT For Eagles-CommandersWatch Now

Batman Would Beat Every Superhero In A Fight

It's probably silly of me to get into the mud when it comes to the stuff, but when Batman's name is thrown out there, I have to come to my guy's defense. Batman would beat every superhero fight. He would cheat, but he would win. This has been proven repeatedly, and I wonder why this argument consistently gets thrown around on social media. It's Batman over everybody all the time. If we're just talking about physical attributes, yes, there are 1 billion superheroes who are much stronger than Batman. But everyone has a weakness; Batman would exploit it. 

I love Batman and most Batman movies, but I don't know if there's ever been a Batman film that's truly captured how much of a masterful tactician this guy actually is. It's another reason I hate those Zach Snyder movies so much. The fight between Batman and Superman should've shown off Batman's brain even more than his brawn. Instead, it was just Batman shooting green mist in Superman's face and beating him about the head with a toilet—real riveting stuff. 

What's fun about this argument is that you can respond by saying, "Because he's Batman," and you'd be correct. Thor has a hammer? Batman would build some sort of anti-hammer serum that would allow him to punch directly in the face. To not acknowledge that Batman has the capability of beating every superhero in a fight is to undermine his effectiveness as a superhero. If we're just talking straight-up fisticuffs, he will lose. Of course, he'd lose. He's one day in a suit. But with the ability to prepare, everyone else's ass is put the jackpot. It's technically canon that Batman always wins when he's prepared, so you're going against nature by denying that he wouldn't.

This should be public knowledge, but it's not because of how Batman has been portrayed in film. Batman rarely gets beat; it's why his getting his back broken by Bane was such a huge moment in the comics. I feel like he gets one-upped too often on film. It's created this idea that he's more vulnerable than he actually is. One thing I liked about the most recent Batman was it showed him in his prime kicking people's asses. He worked out all the kinks. I know that James Gunn is rebooting the DCEU, and one of his first orders should be getting the Batman versus Superman dynamic right. They aren't just too brutes that hurl fists at each other. I will be on board for the next step of the DCU if they can establish one thing: Batman always wins. Jesus, I need a hobby.