The Saddest NFL Stats Of Week 18 You Didn't Know
Winslow Townson. Getty Images.Well fam. We did it. We survived another season of sad football for our sad teams in our sad lives. What were we even doing here all season? Why do we give so much just to get get predictably beat down yet again? I think Trill Withers said it best all along.
You god damn right we are. And we'll be right back in these sad seats in this sad circle relitigating our sad teams next year too.
Let's get to it. Here are your FINAL sad stats for the 2023 NFL season.
Sad Stat #1: The Patriots had -7 yards in the first quarter
Sure we can blame the snow for this one. It's not like we can expect a Bill Belichick team to score roughshod in such terrible conditions:
For my regular readers - remember, I will find a way to insert this clip as often as I possibly can (I think that's three this season?).
But this is now the second time this season the Patriots have been in the red in total yards in the first quarter as they had -2 yards in Week 6. Only three other teams did this once. In Tom Brady's 326 games as a Patriot, it happened exactly zero times.
Sad Stat #2: The Browns swung and missed at being the first team to win with five starting quarterbacks in a single season
Recyling a blog from last week but if you missed it there have only been four teams that won with four quarterbacks in a single season. But none of them won five. My favorite quarterback from the group was 1961 Bills Warren Rabb.
From the blog:
Warren Rabb: managed to win after going 0/3 passing and -1 yard on two rushes. That gave him a passer rating of 39.6 which was his worst passer rating as a starter since the very week before (31.1).
Sad Stat #3: Jameis Winston (1/1) leads the Week 18 "One of One" Quarterbacks
It's not often we get two "One of One" quarterbacks in a single week. What's a "One of One" quarterback? It's a new stat I just made up. Any quarterback who comes into the game for exactly one snap is officially a "One of one".
Here's Jameis coming in to take a kneel down in victory formation:
Tell me the last time a quarterback got his team six points on a designed kneel down? You can't. Jameis truly is a 1/1. And he proved it with this "One of One" performance Sunday. But he wasn't the only "One of One" Sunday. You might think it impossible to have two "One of One's" but take a gawk at this incredible Nate Peterman pitch for about five yards while Justin Fields was getting evaluated for a concussion for three seconds:
OK we'll have to settle for this:
Sad Stat #4: The Jaguars missed the playoffs after starting 8-3
The only game they won down the stretch was with Beathard at QB. I don't know what to say here for Trevor Lawrence. He's been given players around him and still comes up short. Sure doesn't help though when the universe goes Final Destination mode on you on top of it all.
SAD MADE GLAD STAT #1: The Steelers have come a long way in the kickoff return IQ department
Special sad made glad stat to end the season because sometimes it's nice to see teams actually improve something. I covered in Sad Stat Week 2 the unilateral lowest IQ kickoff return in the history of the NFL.
Well look at the Steelers now. I present to you the SMARTEST IQ kickoff return in NFL history!
Whoever tutored the Steelers return guys this season deserves some sort of award. But this got the ole IQ juices flowing myself. I'm not 100 percent sure on the rules here (and refuse to look it up in 99.9% fear it's not legal) but what if players just linked up to touch a kickoff to get that same penalty? Here's a possible sketch of what I mean:
Please don't look up the rules and break my heart on this one. I want to see this play out. At least someone try it and make the refs decide in the moment. Pick a Brad Allen game. Anything can happen!
HUGE HUGE thanks to all my readers this season showing support for these sad stat blogs. This is now two full NFL seasons with every week covered. With that said, therapy is over for the season. Good luck to us all.