Dumping Them Out: Is Nicky Smokes a Fake Fan?

Welcome back to another episode of Dumping Them Out. I can't believe I'm still doing this.

Just an overall terrible day of football yesterday. Both games stunk out loud. The Texans and Browns was fun for the first half I suppose, but watching Joe Flacco shit down both legs in the second half was nothing but sad. As a man from Ohio, I consider the Browns my second team. I cheer for the them over everyone but  the Colts. I really thought they had a shot this year. I'm just glad I was watching the game from the comfort of my couch in Jersey City, because if I was back home watching this at a bar in Ohio that would have been the most depressing place in America. 

I woke up today to several of my co-workers shaming FAKE Dolphins fan Nick Smokes for this tweet following their playoff loss to Kansas City last night

Because as I've come to learn here at Barstool, when you're a real sports fan and your favorite team loses, you need to behave a certain way. You need to go straight home and cry into your pillow for the remainder of the weekend, throw a property destroying tantrum, or plug your toaster in next to you sink and take it into the bathtub with you. Anything less means you're not a true fan. You have to question Nicky Smokes dedication to the Miami Dolphins. There's nothing sad and depressing about binge drinking and dumping sack in the bathroom of a bar. 

I will say that Mike McDaniel, Tua Tagovaiola, and the entire Miami Dolphins team owe us all an apology for last night. As a man who bet Dolphins moneyline because I thought the bet was so stupid it just might work, I was disgusted with them from start to finish. If you'll allow me to vent for a second, the amount of fucking screen passes they threw that simply were not even close to working was infuriating. I swear throwing the ball downfield was actually working for them. Tyreek Hill scored their only touchdown on a deep pass. They completed a long one at the end of the half. The completed a couple more in the 4th quarter when the game was out of reach. But when they were actually still in the game and needed to move the ball they refused to look for anything beyond a few yards. 

Also there was that one drive in the 1st half where they found something and were running the ball down the Chiefs throats. They marched right across the 50 yard line. Then they found themselves in a 3rd & 2. From 3rd & 2 they ran back to back shotgun plays with no running back in the backfield. One of the plays was a god damn screen pass that Tua just spiked into the ground. I couldn't believe my eyes. The whole game was pathetic. I was just angry all evening. That's $10 I'll never get back.

Or maybe I shouldn't be blaming the Dolphins at all. They may have never had a chance in the first place. Hear me out for a second.. 

I saw a tweet posted to Reddit yesterday from some political person named Laura Loomer. She's accusing Republican Presidential Candidate Nikki Haley of working with the deep state to control the weather. 

She's saying they somehow manufactured the weather to create a snowstorm in Iowa the day of caucus, which I guess somehow benefits Nikki Haley. I'm not here to get political, but I'm happy to learn that weather manipulation is a real thing. Which of course begs the question, "Who is responsible for creating the snowstorm in Buffalo that postponed the Bills vs Steelers game, and who stands to gain from it?"

The answer is obvious.

Icon Sportswire. Getty Images.

The NFL is clearly manipulating the weather, not only in Buffalo, but across the United States in order to get their beloved Kansas City Chiefs to the Super Bowl once again.

Let's look at the facts. The Bills vs Steelers game being moved back to Monday means that when Buffalo wins (which will most likely happen) they will be forced to play Kansas City on 2 days shorter rest. Then consider the weather in Kansas City yesterday. It was one of the coldest football games in the history of the NFL. And we all saw the stats leading up to it. The Miami Dolphins are 0-1000 (roughly) in games played in less than 40 degree weather. Everyone knows the Miami Dolphins are a finesse bitch team who can't play in the cold. 

I had never considered that the NFL was manipulating the weather to benefit the Chiefs. I didn't know you could manipulate the weather. But thanks Laura Loomer, my eyes are wide open. Everything about the cold weather across the country right now is benefiting the Chiefs. Stay woke out there everyone.

Anyways, I hope you all enjoy your Martin Luther King Jr. Day tomorrow. Keep in mind that it's racist for your employer to make you work tomorrow. But whether you have the day off, or you have to go to work, or you work at a company like Barstool Sports where you've received an email saying that offices are closed but everyone is afraid it's a trap and will be working anyways, it's going to be a great day of sports. Just as MLK would have wanted.